ugh* - follow-up

This search for a garter has made me question why Victoria's Secret doesn't have a huge bridal lingerie selection. It's downright sucky, in fact. There's one garter - a trashy-looking marabou thing that I would not for all the free shipping in the world wear on my wedding day (night).

Frederick's of Hollywood sells something called a skong. I'm not joking. I'm not linking, either, because it's such a disgusting sounding word. It's actually quite a hot concept, but couldn't they have come up with a word that doesn't sound like what you'd call a thong for a skunk? It's only slightly less stupid-sounding than "thirt."

Yes, I'm grouchy right now. Who knew it'd be so difficult to find something so ... simple?

*My bridesmaid and dear friend Vickie saved the day by finding and purchasing one at a VS store before flying home. I wore it pretty high up on my leg (TMI?) because it was a little big, so retrieving it was not the simplest operation. S's cousin Keoki won the catch.

This reminds me that I have to do an actual wedding recap. Hm, when do I have three uninterrupted hours to do this?

I need a garter. I am on DaisyDays.com in a small panic - since I am forgoing the bouquet toss (you're welcome) I completely forgot to get a garter for the garter toss (that is still happening, and again, you're welcome.)

Want: a set (one to toss, one to keep), pink and white. Or should I just let it be my something blue? GAH.

bbl

** update** okay, f*ck DaisyDays, who wanted $19.99 for a semi-cute garter set and $43 for shipping. Fredricks, anyone?

Gown came in; went in for our fittings about 5.30 yesterday.

Have GOT to get rid of this ridiculous swimsuit tan.

$wedding$

Got our marriage license this morning. Yay!

Boo: This mounting credit card balance is making me see stars. S, the more fiscally responsible of the two of us, advised me not to be concerned and to make the minimum payments because this (wedding-designated) card we opened is interest-free for six months, we are managing our money well and will easily pay off the balance after the wedding has come and gone. Even so, the number (which, to be realistic, is not what one would call staggering, but cannot be paid off in a single pay period) is growing with every purchase, and I am not super comfy with minimum payments. So I pay as much as I can whenever I can (advice about this? I pay on time but also sporadically pay whatever amount I can, whenever I can - is this one of those credit no-no's? It doesn't seem like it would be a problem, but then again, I was not aware that paying off a credit card and then closing it could hurt one's credit score either).

Everything costs so much. A cake that won't even feed everyone in attendance costs over $500. Who knows how much the supplementary sheet cake will cost? Expenses still to come: limo, photo, DJ, video, hair/makeup, and the mother of them all, the reception.

Headache. Backyard barbecue wedding and reception is sounding so beautifully manageable and desirable right now ... Ribs and punch for everyone. And the dog really could be our ring bearer. I'd wear jeans (but I'd still get my hair and makeup done.) Scott would wear surf shorts. We'd string twinkle lights around the backyard (that we do not have, or the one on which we would be severely fined by the Association for congregating).

... Okay, stop.

Where can I get a massage that won't cost an arm and a leg (because I made a serious vow - practicing, y'know - only living expenses and wedding expenses from here till The Day.) If I get the Lit Itch, I need to go to the library. If I need new clothes, um, I don't. If we get hungry, we need to go to Mom's. Hehe. Sigh.

the bridal party

Maid of Honor: Bonnie T.

Bonnie, a 1996 Maryknoll graduate, is an architect at WATG in Honolulu. She has been married to Kenny T. since 2003. They are world travelers who love to sing karaoke. Bonnie is a previous Miss Chinatown Talent Contest winner who tells a mean story, loves rabbits, and spends her time volunteering with various community organizations.

Bon and I have been friends since Maryknoll Grade School. She is the friend all moms want for their daughters: smart, responsible, and unfailingly considerate. We have had many adventures, including co-chairing the 2007 ACUW Scholarship Fundraiser Fashion Show (which really consisted of me talking Bonnie into it and then Bonnie doing most of the work - sorry Bon!). We now live a hop, skip and jump away from each other in the upper Makiki area.

Bridesmaid: Lisa W.

Lisa, born and raised in Hawaii, is a veterinary technician living in Tacoma with her husband Daniel, 13-year-old stepdaughter, and an assortment of cats, dogs, and sometimes other species. She is also a '96 graduate of Maryknoll. Lisa is definitely one-of-a-kind. She's a former wrestler who loves kittens, a girly-girl who can fire a gun, and of the two of us, no one thought she'd be a parent first!!

I met Lisa in seventh grade, and we have many Maryknoll memories - Quiz Bowl, Modern European History, and many a school-sponsored dance in Rogers Hall, to name a few. Lisa left Hawaii shortly after high school, and she is one of the few people left in the world who appreciates good old fashioned correspondence - via the USPS - and just about the only person I know who doesn't have e-mail. I tease her about this endlessly - but actually, if it weren't for Lisa, I'd never receive handwritten letters.

Bridesmaid: Victoria S.

Vickie, a Kaiser grad and another Hawaii girl turned Northwesterner, lives in Tualatin, OR with her boyfriend Brandon and their Yorkie pup, Mr. Belvedere. Don't let her penchant for cute things fool you - she is a Mac Goddess and knows her way around a Kevin Smith movie or two.

Vickie and I have worked together (we met while working at the Manoa A Plus Program back in ... 2000?), shopped together, and gotten pierced and tattooed together (she looks so sweet, doesn't she? But then again, don't I?).

In October I'll be making my very first trip to the state of Oregon, where we are already planning hilarious fun to tentatively include go-kart racing, golfing under the influence, and of course, shopping.

Bridesmaid: Caryn N.

Caryn, a 1998 Maryknoll grad, lives in Aiea and is a fifth-grade teacher (YAY!!) at Pearl City Elementary School. She loves reading, video games, reality TV, and visiting her boyfriend in Hilo.

We didn't actually become friends at Maryknoll. We met in 2003 when we both turned up in the same Foundations of Education class for Chaminade's Masters in Education program. Caryn and I suffered through many late-night classes, commiserated over many a bowl of ramen when those classes got out at 9:45 p.m., and were part of a group of friends who constantly got in trouble for talking during class. Hehe. Caryn's nickname in grad school was "The Overachiever." :)

We both love reading, dogs, Las Vegas, and, apparently, the fifth grade. (Well, I'll get back to you on that last one.)

Bridesmaid: Tami S.

Speaking of fifth grade ... Tami is my grade level partner, the level-headed, organized one out of the two of us. I come up with the harebrained ideas, she makes sure the deadlines are met. :)

This is only the second year I've known Tami, but it is easy to become good friends with someone when you share the same crazy job and are trying to plan a wedding at the same time.

Tami, a 1996 McKinley grad, will be marrying her fiance, Roger, in June. She likes penguins and singing karaoke.

Bridesmaid: Niranda H.

Niranda, a former journalist, is a physician's assistant in Honolulu and will soon embark on the great medical school journey. We met in the UH newsroom in the Spring of 1997 - Ka Leo O Hawaii was our second home for several years - and soon were spending equal time in the newsroom and out of it, at lunch, the mall, Paradise Palms, you name it. If it wasn't class, we were there! (Just kidding, mom. We went to class.)

Niranda lives with her husband, Brett, and their cat, Cheddar in Makiki - in a building about 20 paces from mine. As much fun as it is being neighbors, we hardly ever see each other due to our busy schedules. We always joke that we saw each other more often when she was living in San Jose.

16 [wedding] things, tagged by vickie

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged.

I haven't done a Me Meme in awhile and thought I'd bring this one over to the Wedding Blog because ...

Fact #1: Our wedding is less than 40 days away. Geez, after typing that out, it's a bit difficult to think of anything else. Because of the hyperventilating.

Fact #2: My dating history up till Scott included two great loves, one big head-scratcher, a fling who still makes me smile, a mama's boy, a boy with daddy issues, and a boy I loved from afar. I had a Big, an Aidan, and even a Berger. Scott defies labels - he is and has been, since the day we met, who he is. Nothing less, no one else.

Fact #3: For the first four months, I never once thought we would date seriously, let alone get married.

Fact #4: I like the chewiness of fondant.

Fact #5: When I think about Wedding Day, I feel giddy, like a six-year-old getting ready for a play or a sixteen-year-old getting ready for prom. But when I think about marriage, I feel serene and ... 30.

Fact #6: I love our proposal story.

Fact #7: The only other person in my life I ever would have married was smart enough not to propose.

Fact #8: Our bridal party is 12 large, plus us. That is one hell of a head table.

Fact #9: I know nothing about my wedding band. As in, has it been ordered? I don't know. What does it look like? I don't know. When do we pick it up? I don't know. How much did/will it cost? I don't know. Will I have one on Wedding Day? I don't know.

Fact #10: I am more excited to see Scott in formalwear than I am to see my wedding band.

Fact #11: I can't remember what my gown looks like.

Fact #12: Till we have kids, and I admit this is probably quite naive, I can't think of a single way married life is going to change us on the day-to-day. I've felt totally committed to him since '06, and we've lived together for about that long - so where do the differences come in? Well, the name change thing, yes. And maybe we will have nicer towels. :P

Fact #13: When we got engaged, I didn't want to have kids. Kona, Callie, and the 23 kids I see all day 5 days a week were more than enough to think about.

Fact #14: He wants to live in a house, and I love condo living.

Fact #15: Engaged Encounter was an awesome investment. Possibly the best $300 we've ever spent.

Fact #16: We've made each other healthier, not by doing things for each other (teach a man to fish ...) but by showing each other the best parts of ourselves, and then the worst parts, and meeting every challenge with an open heart.

If you read this blog, tag - you're it.

the plunge

Just before waking up, I dreamed it was Wedding Day. We were in a different hotel, and the layout was all different from what we'd discussed, but none of it fazed me. I was happy.

Then I realized that in all the hustle and bustle of preparations, I had not made arrangements to pick up my gown. I freaked out and ran around till I found my bil, Jeff, who is IRL a cool bil but very easily annoyed, and somewhat sarcastic.

"Jeff! I never picked up my dress. You've got to help me!"

"What am I supposed to do?!"

"HELP ME! Go to the dress shop and pick it up for me!"

It then also occurred to me that the bridesmaid dresses had not been distributed to the bridesmaids. (IRL, this is mostly not true.)

Jeff was still yawning with boredom over my dress problems, but he managed to say, "I'll call mom," referring to our MIL (well, his MIL, my MIL-to-be).

"WHAT?! She doesn't even drive!"

Jeff, already dialing MIL's number, seemed totally unwilling to help me out (Scott says I HAVE to tell Jeff the story of this dream; he seems to think Jeff would find it funny) so I had to concede that getting married in the dress I had on would not be such a bad thing.

I then realized that this was not the real wedding day at all, but some kind of rehearsal. I was very relieved, and I guess my brain was slowly waking up, because I also realized that I was dreaming. What did I decide to do with this realization? Not run up to someone I dislike and kick them in the shins. Not run to the buffet line and eat everything in sight. Instead, I hurled myself over the banister - from the fifth or so floor, all the way down to the lobby.

It did hurt, when I landed on my feet.

Symbolism: taking the plunge. Practice time is almost over. We are getting married. It's coming.

In the past few months, we have had some fights - some minor, a few major, and some downright stupid, but nothing we haven't walked away from intact or even stronger. My happiness in the dream was real. (Let's just hope I remember to pick up my dress.)

so lie

That is what the kids say to each other when one of them has told an untruth.

"Ho! So lie!"

Gotta love living in the islands.

Anyway, I lied, I am not shutting up. I am not mortally opposed to flowers, but I have *just* stumbled upon something much better than the flowers and much better than my original idea. It requires a lot of assembly, though. (I used to be mortally opposed to that, but as they say, you only get married once, so we might as well make the most of the experience.)

I am excited. The small stress ball has unraveled, and I have clear enough vision now to pick at the big one and start knitting something useful.

Terrible metaphors, I know. Too excited to fix.

;)

this sucks

Wedding: scheduled.
Party: planned.

Why the eff I'm stressing out on the details is beyond me.

Whether we have lobster or buffalo wings, taffeta or tulle, heavenly centerpieces or Wal*Mart Delite, the outcome is the same. We are not on Weddings of a Lifetime, no one's going to give us any awards for Having Inspired Favors or for Sticking To Our Theme, so why are we having grim lunchtime discussions about the diameter of our centerpieces? Is it because we're getting caught up in it like we said we wouldn't, or because we really do care a teeny tiny bit and have only to admit it so that we can get on with things?

I say let's throw the centerpieces, favors, and theme out the window, and go back to letting the rare weekday lunch together be an actual treat rather than a drudge.

the icing

Next week - cake consult, pick up engagement photo, call H.P. Ladee to confirm our mushroom-free menu. Whee.

By the way, this blog is hilarious. I hope not to contribute to it.

ah, togetherness

Dunno if we'd survive. But we did survive our second meeting with Fr. G! Actually, it was only the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) "test" so as soon as we were done with our Scantron bubbles, we were outta there.

The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.

There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.

I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.

Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.

Oh yeah, how could I forget? I also put Le Huge Portrait (w/Le Huge Price Tag) that I ordered from Uncle B on the Visa. Which is to say nothing of the other photo needs we will also be Visa-ing soon.

SIGH.

let them eat ... almond float?

Just some mutterings about cake for my consult:

$400 - $500 ('tis not so much to be eaten as to be admired, photographed excessively and then cut).

Can have heart-shaped layers? Can have heart-shaped dummy layer? (See above note: is not to eat.)

How chocolatey is milk chocolate cake?

Can do double-layer tiers?

OK that is all.

Check off another TD and write another fat check: We have purchased all of our bridal party attire. It's not that any one article of clothing cost so much ... it's that we have six per side, and there you have it. Last night we shopped for the last shirt (his sixth groomsman is a 2XL, a size the stores seem not to carry, so we had to purchase it online.) While in line to check for the shirt at Ala Moana Macy's, we stood next to another couple buying four of the exact same shirt.

"Getting married?"

Nods all around.

The shirts are on major sale, and thank goodness because the expenses, now, are really starting to pile up. A Short List of Big Things that have gone on our wedding-sanctioned credit card in the span of a month of so: flowers down payment, six groomsman shirts, the limo, and many a sanity-reclaiming caffeinated beverage for me. (Just passed the four-month soda-free mark on Nov. 5 so no, I'm not drinking soda - it's 99 percent iced teas with the occasional hot cocoa thrown in for fun and Vitamin C(hocolate).

$ad

I just booked the limo and confirmed our flowers. I think I'll go eat some candy. Because it's free.

At least we didn't actually need a freakin' bus.

Invitations WILL go out this Saturday. Come hell or high postage.

I yam off to see the florist. I am fully prepared to strike about a thousand things from the long list I made last time in order to stay within the budget we didn't really finish making over grumpy pancakes and omelettes yesterday.

Did I seriously think we were going to be immune to the whole fighting-over-wedding-stuff thing? I guess I did. Because there are so many things I really don't care about. But I guess, actually, the not caring is what is causing these issues. Not caring = not getting stuff done early = getting it done late(r) = major anxiety for S. Me, not so much. I am a worrier when I shouldn't be, and when I'm told I should worry, I don't.

Anyway, I'm not worried. Well, I occasionally worry that one day long after the wedding has come and gone, I will wake up and be sad that I didn't care more about things like cake and tulle. I've been getting more and more into the whole thing, but not enough to start obsessing.

Last week he said he wanted us to write our vows. By his own admission he is not an enthusiastic writer and so I was very surprised by this. I think it was the night of Peahen's wedding. He had said several times that he'd loved my MOH speech, and before we drifted off to sleep, he said it again, along with something like, "My vows are gonna suck compared to yours."

They're not, of course, and truthfully I just love the fact that he wants to write and share something from his heart. Now if only the church would get back to me so that we could seriously get going on this stuff.

a literal headache

Longest day of Wedding Tasks ever. Groomsmen's attire, check. New ideas for table decorations, check. Budget discussion, check. Photo order, check. Periodic snippy arguments about all of the above, check.

Also got some invitation work done.

Two consults tomorrow after a work meeting.

Wedding planning - who in their right mind would do this for a living?

two hundred days

Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?

My consultation w/the florist was the most fun I've had W-planning since the day I selected my dress. We sat down, envisioned, planned loosely, jotted notes, and suddenly I had my first Authoritative Bride moment. I had a list. I had a plan. I had a vision of ... Gerbera daisies?

I surprise myself sometimes.

I wish I could post more details.

I think I'm sort of the opposite of the cautionary tale, the girl who spends so much energy planning a wedding that the marriage part falls to the wayside, and, subsequently, sucks. I have put all my heart into our relationship and just sort of neglected the wedding part, and am just waking up to how fun it can be.

P.S. OK I had no visions of Gerbera daisies, which is why I am convinced that this is the floral designer for me. I threw out adjectives, she suggested specifics. Some surprising, most spot-on. I love her already. I hope we don't break up when she hits me with the estimate tomorrow.

expolicious

It turns out that I have up till one month before the wedding before the first gown fitting. Oh sure, that's practically tomorrow, but uh ... at least it's not today?

Yee ha!

Speaking of fittings and gowns, I need a dress for my Peahen's wedding. My BEST FRIEND from high school is getting married next week ... and I am following suit with the ball-and-chain action, it's finally all sinking in. I need to find a dress and some decent shoes, write the speech, try like hell to get the day of her shower off. Suddenly I am uncomfortably busy.

I think I remember doing this a couple of months ago: sitting down and writing out a tentative schedule for the wedding day itself. Now that more of those spaces, faces, and places are being filled in, the picture is slowly coming into focus.

It is a little bit scary.

First of all, we're going to need a freakin' BUS to transport the entire wedding party from place to place. (Not just any bus, a freakin' bus. You got that?) Where am I gonna get a wedding bus? (I said two groomsmen and two bridesmaids were all we needed; Everyone Else said that was kind of smallish for a wedding the size of ours. It's a fine day to start playing the Blame Game.) I'm kidding, of course - I don't regret the decisions we made regarding our bridal party; we love our friends. But I'm not kidding about the Freakin' Bus.

Second. The honeymoon concept is not even on the horizon. Let's get this wedding shindig planned, executed, and paid for before we throw around the H-word, methinks.

Third, now seems like a good time to reiterate (with updates) the cake caveat. It used to be that cake-in-face equaled on-the-spot annulment. Now that we are beginning to invest actual time and actual money in the planning of this endeavor, that seems like a waste (but so does $100+ for makeup being upset by red velvet) ... so now cake-in-face = year-long bedroom lockout. Oh sure, he can still use the bathroom, but the bed is strictly off-limits.

Hee.

For now though, we have yet to order the cake, style his groomsmen, decide on centerpieces and favors, blah etc. blah.

So, off to the Expo I go.

BTW, happy one-year engagement anniversary to us. Um, back on the 13th of this month. Hope we're better at remembering our wedding anniversary!

---

A short list of Expo successes:

Favors
Centerpieces
A flower contact
Cake

YAY.

Still to figure: Limo. Apparently I wasn't all that far off on the bus thing. The only one that would seat our entire bridal party was ... a VAN. No vans, thanks. I think stretch Hummers are preposterous but I'd ride in one of those before booking a VAN.

forward movement!

... What a foreign sensation.

I actually cracked open my organizer this week. Several times. Made tables. Made labels. Visited stables in Babel.

The invitations are done. I keep looking them over with extreme fear that I missed something, screwed up the date, misspelled my fiance's middle name, got the hotel address wrong, etc.

So far we have spent $___ on the stationery, gems, and adhesive, which means, without disclosing how many guests we are inviting, $0.60 per invitation, not counting postage. Sweet.

In the frenzy of invitation-making, I forgot that Peahen's wedding is next weekend. She's somehow created an affair that is both high-class and low-key, and I am looking forward to it. The rest of this week and all of next are going to be completely insane. Bridal Expo and continued planning for me; mini-shower, family dinner, mani-pedi sessions for her; wedding for her.

Work has been a little harder on S. lately, which means that I need to give him more breaks at home and take care of more wedding stuff. Which is really fine with me, because he was starting to take charge of stuff in a way that bewildered me. I mean yes, we did need to light a fire and get going on this stuff, but he was starting to chime in on things like invitation designs, for corn's sake. Before you say "Aw, how sweet that he wants to be involved in things like that," may I just say no? There is no Bridezilla in the house, but one can leave a girly thing or two up to the girl, right?

I may have displayed little to no interest in the aesthetic details of our wedding up till recently, but now I have time, energy and the will to rectify that. I gave up the dress of my dreams to satisfy others' sensibilities, and let it be said that from here on out - what the Cat beautifies, let no mother, man, or bystander put asunder.