romanticat.blogspot.com

ugh* - follow-up

2009-01-21T23:40:00.001-08:00

This search for a garter has made me question why Victoria's Secret doesn't have a huge bridal lingerie selection. It's downright sucky, in fact. There's one garter - a trashy-looking marabou thing that I would not for all the free shipping in the world wear on my wedding day (night).

Frederick's of Hollywood sells something called a skong. I'm not joking. I'm not linking, either, because it's such a disgusting sounding word. It's actually quite a hot concept, but couldn't they have come up with a word that doesn't sound like what you'd call a thong for a skunk? It's only slightly less stupid-sounding than "thirt."

Yes, I'm grouchy right now. Who knew it'd be so difficult to find something so ... simple?

*My bridesmaid and dear friend Vickie saved the day by finding and purchasing one at a VS store before flying home. I wore it pretty high up on my leg (TMI?) because it was a little big, so retrieving it was not the simplest operation. S's cousin Keoki won the catch.

This reminds me that I have to do an actual wedding recap. Hm, when do I have three uninterrupted hours to do this?

2009-01-20T05:19:00.000-08:00

I need a garter. I am on DaisyDays.com in a small panic - since I am forgoing the bouquet toss (you're welcome) I completely forgot to get a garter for the garter toss (that is still happening, and again, you're welcome.)

Want: a set (one to toss, one to keep), pink and white. Or should I just let it be my something blue? GAH.

bbl

** update** okay, f*ck DaisyDays, who wanted $19.99 for a semi-cute garter set and $43 for shipping. Fredricks, anyone?

2009-01-16T10:44:00.000-08:00

Gown came in; went in for our fittings about 5.30 yesterday.

Have GOT to get rid of this ridiculous swimsuit tan.

$wedding$

2009-01-09T20:41:00.000-08:00

Got our marriage license this morning. Yay!

Boo: This mounting credit card balance is making me see stars. S, the more fiscally responsible of the two of us, advised me not to be concerned and to make the minimum payments because this (wedding-designated) card we opened is interest-free for six months, we are managing our money well and will easily pay off the balance after the wedding has come and gone. Even so, the number (which, to be realistic, is not what one would call staggering, but cannot be paid off in a single pay period) is growing with every purchase, and I am not super comfy with minimum payments. So I pay as much as I can whenever I can (advice about this? I pay on time but also sporadically pay whatever amount I can, whenever I can - is this one of those credit no-no's? It doesn't seem like it would be a problem, but then again, I was not aware that paying off a credit card and then closing it could hurt one's credit score either).

Everything costs so much. A cake that won't even feed everyone in attendance costs over $500. Who knows how much the supplementary sheet cake will cost? Expenses still to come: limo, photo, DJ, video, hair/makeup, and the mother of them all, the reception.

Headache. Backyard barbecue wedding and reception is sounding so beautifully manageable and desirable right now ... Ribs and punch for everyone. And the dog really could be our ring bearer. I'd wear jeans (but I'd still get my hair and makeup done.) Scott would wear surf shorts. We'd string twinkle lights around the backyard (that we do not have, or the one on which we would be severely fined by the Association for congregating).

... Okay, stop.

Where can I get a massage that won't cost an arm and a leg (because I made a serious vow - practicing, y'know - only living expenses and wedding expenses from here till The Day.) If I get the Lit Itch, I need to go to the library. If I need new clothes, um, I don't. If we get hungry, we need to go to Mom's. Hehe. Sigh.

the bridal party

2009-01-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

Maid of Honor: Bonnie T.

Bonnie, a 1996 Maryknoll graduate, is an architect at WATG in Honolulu. She has been married to Kenny T. since 2003. They are world travelers who love to sing karaoke. Bonnie is a previous Miss Chinatown Talent Contest winner who tells a mean story, loves rabbits, and spends her time volunteering with various community organizations.

Bon and I have been friends since Maryknoll Grade School. She is the friend all moms want for their daughters: smart, responsible, and unfailingly considerate. We have had many adventures, including co-chairing the 2007 ACUW Scholarship Fundraiser Fashion Show (which really consisted of me talking Bonnie into it and then Bonnie doing most of the work - sorry Bon!). We now live a hop, skip and jump away from each other in the upper Makiki area.

Bridesmaid: Lisa W.

Lisa, born and raised in Hawaii, is a veterinary technician living in Tacoma with her husband Daniel, 13-year-old stepdaughter, and an assortment of cats, dogs, and sometimes other species. She is also a '96 graduate of Maryknoll. Lisa is definitely one-of-a-kind. She's a former wrestler who loves kittens, a girly-girl who can fire a gun, and of the two of us, no one thought she'd be a parent first!!

I met Lisa in seventh grade, and we have many Maryknoll memories - Quiz Bowl, Modern European History, and many a school-sponsored dance in Rogers Hall, to name a few. Lisa left Hawaii shortly after high school, and she is one of the few people left in the world who appreciates good old fashioned correspondence - via the USPS - and just about the only person I know who doesn't have e-mail. I tease her about this endlessly - but actually, if it weren't for Lisa, I'd never receive handwritten letters.

Bridesmaid: Victoria S.

Vickie, a Kaiser grad and another Hawaii girl turned Northwesterner, lives in Tualatin, OR with her boyfriend Brandon and their Yorkie pup, Mr. Belvedere. Don't let her penchant for cute things fool you - she is a Mac Goddess and knows her way around a Kevin Smith movie or two.

Vickie and I have worked together (we met while working at the Manoa A Plus Program back in ... 2000?), shopped together, and gotten pierced and tattooed together (she looks so sweet, doesn't she? But then again, don't I?).

In October I'll be making my very first trip to the state of Oregon, where we are already planning hilarious fun to tentatively include go-kart racing, golfing under the influence, and of course, shopping.

Bridesmaid: Caryn N.

Caryn, a 1998 Maryknoll grad, lives in Aiea and is a fifth-grade teacher (YAY!!) at Pearl City Elementary School. She loves reading, video games, reality TV, and visiting her boyfriend in Hilo.

We didn't actually become friends at Maryknoll. We met in 2003 when we both turned up in the same Foundations of Education class for Chaminade's Masters in Education program. Caryn and I suffered through many late-night classes, commiserated over many a bowl of ramen when those classes got out at 9:45 p.m., and were part of a group of friends who constantly got in trouble for talking during class. Hehe. Caryn's nickname in grad school was "The Overachiever." :)

We both love reading, dogs, Las Vegas, and, apparently, the fifth grade. (Well, I'll get back to you on that last one.)

Bridesmaid: Tami S.

Speaking of fifth grade ... Tami is my grade level partner, the level-headed, organized one out of the two of us. I come up with the harebrained ideas, she makes sure the deadlines are met. :)

This is only the second year I've known Tami, but it is easy to become good friends with someone when you share the same crazy job and are trying to plan a wedding at the same time.

Tami, a 1996 McKinley grad, will be marrying her fiance, Roger, in June. She likes penguins and singing karaoke.

Bridesmaid: Niranda H.

Niranda, a former journalist, is a physician's assistant in Honolulu and will soon embark on the great medical school journey. We met in the UH newsroom in the Spring of 1997 - Ka Leo O Hawaii was our second home for several years - and soon were spending equal time in the newsroom and out of it, at lunch, the mall, Paradise Palms, you name it. If it wasn't class, we were there! (Just kidding, mom. We went to class.)

Niranda lives with her husband, Brett, and their cat, Cheddar in Makiki - in a building about 20 paces from mine. As much fun as it is being neighbors, we hardly ever see each other due to our busy schedules. We always joke that we saw each other more often when she was living in San Jose.

16 [wedding] things, tagged by vickie

2008-12-31T12:54:00.001-08:00

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged.

I haven't done a Me Meme in awhile and thought I'd bring this one over to the Wedding Blog because ...

Fact #1: Our wedding is less than 40 days away. Geez, after typing that out, it's a bit difficult to think of anything else. Because of the hyperventilating.

Fact #2: My dating history up till Scott included two great loves, one big head-scratcher, a fling who still makes me smile, a mama's boy, a boy with daddy issues, and a boy I loved from afar. I had a Big, an Aidan, and even a Berger. Scott defies labels - he is and has been, since the day we met, who he is. Nothing less, no one else.

Fact #3: For the first four months, I never once thought we would date seriously, let alone get married.

Fact #4: I like the chewiness of fondant.

Fact #5: When I think about Wedding Day, I feel giddy, like a six-year-old getting ready for a play or a sixteen-year-old getting ready for prom. But when I think about marriage, I feel serene and ... 30.

Fact #6: I love our proposal story.

Fact #7: The only other person in my life I ever would have married was smart enough not to propose.

Fact #8: Our bridal party is 12 large, plus us. That is one hell of a head table.

Fact #9: I know nothing about my wedding band. As in, has it been ordered? I don't know. What does it look like? I don't know. When do we pick it up? I don't know. How much did/will it cost? I don't know. Will I have one on Wedding Day? I don't know.

Fact #10: I am more excited to see Scott in formalwear than I am to see my wedding band.

Fact #11: I can't remember what my gown looks like.

Fact #12: Till we have kids, and I admit this is probably quite naive, I can't think of a single way married life is going to change us on the day-to-day. I've felt totally committed to him since '06, and we've lived together for about that long - so where do the differences come in? Well, the name change thing, yes. And maybe we will have nicer towels. :P

Fact #13: When we got engaged, I didn't want to have kids. Kona, Callie, and the 23 kids I see all day 5 days a week were more than enough to think about.

Fact #14: He wants to live in a house, and I love condo living.

Fact #15: Engaged Encounter was an awesome investment. Possibly the best $300 we've ever spent.

Fact #16: We've made each other healthier, not by doing things for each other (teach a man to fish ...) but by showing each other the best parts of ourselves, and then the worst parts, and meeting every challenge with an open heart.

If you read this blog, tag - you're it.

the plunge

2008-12-13T20:44:00.001-08:00

Just before waking up, I dreamed it was Wedding Day. We were in a different hotel, and the layout was all different from what we'd discussed, but none of it fazed me. I was happy.

Then I realized that in all the hustle and bustle of preparations, I had not made arrangements to pick up my gown. I freaked out and ran around till I found my bil, Jeff, who is IRL a cool bil but very easily annoyed, and somewhat sarcastic.

"Jeff! I never picked up my dress. You've got to help me!"

"What am I supposed to do?!"

"HELP ME! Go to the dress shop and pick it up for me!"

It then also occurred to me that the bridesmaid dresses had not been distributed to the bridesmaids. (IRL, this is mostly not true.)

Jeff was still yawning with boredom over my dress problems, but he managed to say, "I'll call mom," referring to our MIL (well, his MIL, my MIL-to-be).

"WHAT?! She doesn't even drive!"

Jeff, already dialing MIL's number, seemed totally unwilling to help me out (Scott says I HAVE to tell Jeff the story of this dream; he seems to think Jeff would find it funny) so I had to concede that getting married in the dress I had on would not be such a bad thing.

I then realized that this was not the real wedding day at all, but some kind of rehearsal. I was very relieved, and I guess my brain was slowly waking up, because I also realized that I was dreaming. What did I decide to do with this realization? Not run up to someone I dislike and kick them in the shins. Not run to the buffet line and eat everything in sight. Instead, I hurled myself over the banister - from the fifth or so floor, all the way down to the lobby.

It did hurt, when I landed on my feet.

Symbolism: taking the plunge. Practice time is almost over. We are getting married. It's coming.

In the past few months, we have had some fights - some minor, a few major, and some downright stupid, but nothing we haven't walked away from intact or even stronger. My happiness in the dream was real. (Let's just hope I remember to pick up my dress.)

so lie

2008-12-03T06:14:00.000-08:00

That is what the kids say to each other when one of them has told an untruth.

"Ho! So lie!"

Gotta love living in the islands.

Anyway, I lied, I am not shutting up. I am not mortally opposed to flowers, but I have *just* stumbled upon something much better than the flowers and much better than my original idea. It requires a lot of assembly, though. (I used to be mortally opposed to that, but as they say, you only get married once, so we might as well make the most of the experience.)

I am excited. The small stress ball has unraveled, and I have clear enough vision now to pick at the big one and start knitting something useful.

Terrible metaphors, I know. Too excited to fix.

;)

this sucks

2008-11-28T15:56:00.000-08:00

Wedding: scheduled.
Party: planned.

Why the eff I'm stressing out on the details is beyond me.

Whether we have lobster or buffalo wings, taffeta or tulle, heavenly centerpieces or Wal*Mart Delite, the outcome is the same. We are not on Weddings of a Lifetime, no one's going to give us any awards for Having Inspired Favors or for Sticking To Our Theme, so why are we having grim lunchtime discussions about the diameter of our centerpieces? Is it because we're getting caught up in it like we said we wouldn't, or because we really do care a teeny tiny bit and have only to admit it so that we can get on with things?

I say let's throw the centerpieces, favors, and theme out the window, and go back to letting the rare weekday lunch together be an actual treat rather than a drudge.

the icing

2008-11-21T11:58:00.000-08:00

Next week - cake consult, pick up engagement photo, call H.P. Ladee to confirm our mushroom-free menu. Whee.

By the way, this blog is hilarious. I hope not to contribute to it.

ah, togetherness

2008-11-19T22:00:00.000-08:00

Dunno if we'd survive. But we did survive our second meeting with Fr. G! Actually, it was only the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) "test" so as soon as we were done with our Scantron bubbles, we were outta there.

The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.

There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.

I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.

Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.

2008-11-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, how could I forget? I also put Le Huge Portrait (w/Le Huge Price Tag) that I ordered from Uncle B on the Visa. Which is to say nothing of the other photo needs we will also be Visa-ing soon.

SIGH.

let them eat ... almond float?

2008-11-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

Just some mutterings about cake for my consult:

$400 - $500 ('tis not so much to be eaten as to be admired, photographed excessively and then cut).

Can have heart-shaped layers? Can have heart-shaped dummy layer? (See above note: is not to eat.)

How chocolatey is milk chocolate cake?

Can do double-layer tiers?

OK that is all.

2008-11-12T06:30:00.000-08:00

Check off another TD and write another fat check: We have purchased all of our bridal party attire. It's not that any one article of clothing cost so much ... it's that we have six per side, and there you have it. Last night we shopped for the last shirt (his sixth groomsman is a 2XL, a size the stores seem not to carry, so we had to purchase it online.) While in line to check for the shirt at Ala Moana Macy's, we stood next to another couple buying four of the exact same shirt.

"Getting married?"

Nods all around.

The shirts are on major sale, and thank goodness because the expenses, now, are really starting to pile up. A Short List of Big Things that have gone on our wedding-sanctioned credit card in the span of a month of so: flowers down payment, six groomsman shirts, the limo, and many a sanity-reclaiming caffeinated beverage for me. (Just passed the four-month soda-free mark on Nov. 5 so no, I'm not drinking soda - it's 99 percent iced teas with the occasional hot cocoa thrown in for fun and Vitamin C(hocolate).

$ad

2008-11-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

I just booked the limo and confirmed our flowers. I think I'll go eat some candy. Because it's free.

At least we didn't actually need a freakin' bus.

Invitations WILL go out this Saturday. Come hell or high postage.

2008-11-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

I yam off to see the florist. I am fully prepared to strike about a thousand things from the long list I made last time in order to stay within the budget we didn't really finish making over grumpy pancakes and omelettes yesterday.

Did I seriously think we were going to be immune to the whole fighting-over-wedding-stuff thing? I guess I did. Because there are so many things I really don't care about. But I guess, actually, the not caring is what is causing these issues. Not caring = not getting stuff done early = getting it done late(r) = major anxiety for S. Me, not so much. I am a worrier when I shouldn't be, and when I'm told I should worry, I don't.

Anyway, I'm not worried. Well, I occasionally worry that one day long after the wedding has come and gone, I will wake up and be sad that I didn't care more about things like cake and tulle. I've been getting more and more into the whole thing, but not enough to start obsessing.

Last week he said he wanted us to write our vows. By his own admission he is not an enthusiastic writer and so I was very surprised by this. I think it was the night of Peahen's wedding. He had said several times that he'd loved my MOH speech, and before we drifted off to sleep, he said it again, along with something like, "My vows are gonna suck compared to yours."

They're not, of course, and truthfully I just love the fact that he wants to write and share something from his heart. Now if only the church would get back to me so that we could seriously get going on this stuff.

a literal headache

2008-11-03T00:50:00.000-08:00

Longest day of Wedding Tasks ever. Groomsmen's attire, check. New ideas for table decorations, check. Budget discussion, check. Photo order, check. Periodic snippy arguments about all of the above, check.

Also got some invitation work done.

Two consults tomorrow after a work meeting.

Wedding planning - who in their right mind would do this for a living?

two hundred days

2008-10-31T00:40:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?

My consultation w/the florist was the most fun I've had W-planning since the day I selected my dress. We sat down, envisioned, planned loosely, jotted notes, and suddenly I had my first Authoritative Bride moment. I had a list. I had a plan. I had a vision of ... Gerbera daisies?

I surprise myself sometimes.

I wish I could post more details.

I think I'm sort of the opposite of the cautionary tale, the girl who spends so much energy planning a wedding that the marriage part falls to the wayside, and, subsequently, sucks. I have put all my heart into our relationship and just sort of neglected the wedding part, and am just waking up to how fun it can be.

P.S. OK I had no visions of Gerbera daisies, which is why I am convinced that this is the floral designer for me. I threw out adjectives, she suggested specifics. Some surprising, most spot-on. I love her already. I hope we don't break up when she hits me with the estimate tomorrow.

expolicious

2008-10-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

It turns out that I have up till one month before the wedding before the first gown fitting. Oh sure, that's practically tomorrow, but uh ... at least it's not today?

Yee ha!

Speaking of fittings and gowns, I need a dress for my Peahen's wedding. My BEST FRIEND from high school is getting married next week ... and I am following suit with the ball-and-chain action, it's finally all sinking in. I need to find a dress and some decent shoes, write the speech, try like hell to get the day of her shower off. Suddenly I am uncomfortably busy.

I think I remember doing this a couple of months ago: sitting down and writing out a tentative schedule for the wedding day itself. Now that more of those spaces, faces, and places are being filled in, the picture is slowly coming into focus.

It is a little bit scary.

First of all, we're going to need a freakin' BUS to transport the entire wedding party from place to place. (Not just any bus, a freakin' bus. You got that?) Where am I gonna get a wedding bus? (I said two groomsmen and two bridesmaids were all we needed; Everyone Else said that was kind of smallish for a wedding the size of ours. It's a fine day to start playing the Blame Game.) I'm kidding, of course - I don't regret the decisions we made regarding our bridal party; we love our friends. But I'm not kidding about the Freakin' Bus.

Second. The honeymoon concept is not even on the horizon. Let's get this wedding shindig planned, executed, and paid for before we throw around the H-word, methinks.

Third, now seems like a good time to reiterate (with updates) the cake caveat. It used to be that cake-in-face equaled on-the-spot annulment. Now that we are beginning to invest actual time and actual money in the planning of this endeavor, that seems like a waste (but so does $100+ for makeup being upset by red velvet) ... so now cake-in-face = year-long bedroom lockout. Oh sure, he can still use the bathroom, but the bed is strictly off-limits.

Hee.

For now though, we have yet to order the cake, style his groomsmen, decide on centerpieces and favors, blah etc. blah.

So, off to the Expo I go.

BTW, happy one-year engagement anniversary to us. Um, back on the 13th of this month. Hope we're better at remembering our wedding anniversary!

A short list of Expo successes:

Favors
Centerpieces
A flower contact
Cake

YAY.

Still to figure: Limo. Apparently I wasn't all that far off on the bus thing. The only one that would seat our entire bridal party was ... a VAN. No vans, thanks. I think stretch Hummers are preposterous but I'd ride in one of those before booking a VAN.

forward movement!

2008-10-16T06:17:00.000-07:00

... What a foreign sensation.

I actually cracked open my organizer this week. Several times. Made tables. Made labels. Visited stables in Babel.

The invitations are done. I keep looking them over with extreme fear that I missed something, screwed up the date, misspelled my fiance's middle name, got the hotel address wrong, etc.

So far we have spent $___ on the stationery, gems, and adhesive, which means, without disclosing how many guests we are inviting, $0.60 per invitation, not counting postage. Sweet.

In the frenzy of invitation-making, I forgot that Peahen's wedding is next weekend. She's somehow created an affair that is both high-class and low-key, and I am looking forward to it. The rest of this week and all of next are going to be completely insane. Bridal Expo and continued planning for me; mini-shower, family dinner, mani-pedi sessions for her; wedding for her.

Work has been a little harder on S. lately, which means that I need to give him more breaks at home and take care of more wedding stuff. Which is really fine with me, because he was starting to take charge of stuff in a way that bewildered me. I mean yes, we did need to light a fire and get going on this stuff, but he was starting to chime in on things like invitation designs, for corn's sake. Before you say "Aw, how sweet that he wants to be involved in things like that," may I just say no? There is no Bridezilla in the house, but one can leave a girly thing or two up to the girl, right?

I may have displayed little to no interest in the aesthetic details of our wedding up till recently, but now I have time, energy and the will to rectify that. I gave up the dress of my dreams to satisfy others' sensibilities, and let it be said that from here on out - what the Cat beautifies, let no mother, man, or bystander put asunder.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAh

2008-10-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Printed invites. Need to embellish them. Need to print RSVP cards. Need to address invites. Need to ... omg.

Bridal Expo coming up in a couple of weeks (or is it next weekend?) ... going with MOH, and I WILL SECURE:

- Cake
- Limo
- exactly one billion other things I can't even think of right now.

Here's an invitation sample. Kind of fuzzy so you'll have to click on it:

fun with a gun

2008-09-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

... Scanner gun, that is. We finally did our Macy's registry. Eek and EGADS. It only took a couple of hours but by the time we were done, I was ready to drop. And we only put 57 items on our list (the registry guide suggests ___ for the size of our party, and given the size of our Macys we would have had to register for every item on the floor). I should preface the rest of this post by saying that I always thought bridal registries were unforgivably tacky ("Please buy us stuff" being the bottom line of this modern marvel) but my sensibilities have been outnumbered.

At first we were at a total loss as far as what to scan. We have pretty much everything we need (and frankly everything we can stuff into my apartment) already. Towels, linens, appliances, cookware and utensils, flatware and dishes, you name it, we've got it, plus twelve billion other things we don't really need but own anyway. Minus this really cool garlic basher-smasher thing my SILTB and her husband have, that Macy's did not carry anyway.

A little side note: I just looked up "brother-in-law" and found that there are two readily accepted definitions, and neither of them is my SILTB's husband. But since the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (3rd ed.) accepts that, and since "my husband's brother-in-law" sounds cold and retarded to boot, I'm going with "my BILTB."

So we went from, "We don't really need anything" to "Let's get this cutting board in the shape of a pig!" and "How about this cupcake carrier?" (Admittedly, those were my picks, and I have to say S. was way nicer to me than I thought he would be. Eventually he picked up on a lovely phrase: "Is that what you want?" He even, at one point, wordlessly shouldered my purse. I love him!)

We'd say something like, "Let's skip towels. We have towels," but find ourselves not two minutes later fingering lavender Egyptian cotton and saying, "How many, you think? Four?" Scott got really excited about knives, and I got excited about Corningware. We wandered around cookery forever, scanning Cuisinarts, Calphalons, Marthas and All-Clads. The whole process, which was fun for about 45 minutes, was just so exhausting when all was said and done. The only thing we firmly said we wouldn't bother with, and did not bother with, was cutlery. Because when it comes to forks, this Philistine couple seriously can't tell the difference between WalMart and Wedgwood.

Annnnyway, 'twas quite an adventure. Slightly shell-shocked and completely tired out, we headed to The Wedding Cafe at Ward Warehouse to have lunch (chicken walnut sammy for me; turkey for him; Caesar salad) and flip halfheartedly through some photo albums. If we hadn't had a BOGO coupon for TWC, I would have been just as happy in a drive-thru.

What's next?

pressure? no?

2008-08-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

So, we survived our first meeting with Fr. Gordy.

I'm so used to seeing him in his church robes that I completely walked past him sitting in the office shooting the breeze in an aloha shirt and baseball cap.

A short list of things accomplished: basic intros and some paperwork; the dispensation we need because S. is not Catholic; short individual interviews (he actually sent each of us out of the room as he spoke to the other - and this was the scariest part). We also nailed down the time of our ceremony (HURRAY!!!!!) so now we can print INVITATIONS!!!! I was kind of stressing out about that - but then my Peahen's wedding is in October and she hasn't sent hers out yet, so.

(I know. That's got nothing to do with me, but still, I take a strange comfort in other people's procrastination.)

I had to fill out a questionnaire that asked in a couple of places if I was being coerced into marriage or doing it for some unsavory benefit (green card, swanky house, etc.), which of course I denied.

"So, you're in this for you, not because you're being pressured, right?"

"Yep," I said.

"Good," Fr. Gordy replied. "By the way, how old are you?"

"Just turned 30."

"Yeah, it's about time you got married."

(He totally said this, and he was totally serious. LOVE IT.)

We also touched on (merely brushed, actually) the whole sticky kids subject. Being a Catholic priest, of course he needs to say that having kids is one of the major reasons Catholics get married (at least they've come out of the dark ages and stopped saying it is the reason). I had to check off something that basically said yes, I acknowledged this. But when he orally reviewed my responses, he said mildly, "So, you're open to having kids?"

"We've talked about it," I said. (I didn't say: "If I am seriously considering having kids, shouldn't he, to be fair, seriously consider not having them?") And he let it go at that, which was great. Also, when he brought up raising our future kids Catholic and I breezily said "yes," he looked so taken aback at the ease of my answer that I wondered if I should have given him a harder time, maybe lay down some terms and conditions. It was almost as if he was used to couples putting up more of a fight.

Over dinner, S said that he would told Fr. Gordy (had the question been directed to him) that he would let the kids decide.

Um. (And we did talk about these things, so it's not like I'm venting feelings that S does not know I have.) I don't agree with that. I don't think you can force religion on an adult, but I do think it's a parent's responsibility to bring their children up in and teach them about the faith they hold. Once they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, then they can make decisions that we should support (provided they don't want to join a cult or become Satan worshippers, as I could really not get behind that.) Most Catholics are confirmed at about 14 - 16 but this age range is mostly due to pressure from parents. I think our kids should be baptized into the Catholic church but should make the confirmation decision on their own, which is really what the sacrament is intended to be - an acknowledgement that your parents chose your Catholic faith when you were too young to choose anything, and the embracing of the faith as your own, now that you are an adult.

But kids are light years (or at least years) away, so I'm not going to get all worked up about this now. That's what this weekend is for! :) This weekend is ... well, I don't want to say shot, because I really am looking forward to it. Engaged Encounter. The only person who doesn't snicker when I talk about this is my matron of honor, who herself went through it four years ago. She reports that she and her (non-Catholic) now-husband just loved it. I hope we do, too.

And that's my monthly update. Now that the ball is really rolling, though, they might become more frequent ...

the have (dones) and have not (dones)

2008-08-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

Venues - check. The church and hotel are rock-solid. Attire is 2/3 done. Hair and makeup, check. Photo and video, good to go. We're 80 percent sure of our favors, but still need to think about centerpieces. S. has more elaborate preferences for that than I do. I need to attend a Bridal Expo daily, or something, to keep my motivation to plan afloat. Especially after attending the beautiful ceremony and reception that we did tonight. So simple - I think 30 people - on the beach, and then to dinner at the Willows. A long table, tropical flowers, great company, and delicious food. What more could you want? Of course we had to put up with a larger, louder wedding across the way - I was fascinated to learn that Junior Kekuewa Junior is NOT an emphysematic geezer with a termite-eaten ukulele, as he sounds to be with the Wake-Up Crew, but a charismatic emcee and talented musician. Who knew. But speaking of emcees, we have the perfect one in mind - one of S.'s friends - except he hasn't asked her yet. We also haven't tackled music, flowers, or menu. Our "all in good time" attitude is slowly falling away as we start to realize - there is less and less good time available. Eep ...

dressy dress dress

2008-08-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

Very simple, definitely re-wearable, long enough for the church (although I hope they don't have a problem with the decolletage), and dress-upable with flowers, necklaces and the right hairdo. The only shade of red it comes in is "lipstick" red, a fire-engine screaming shade that I'd rather not deal with. So, I changed my color to this "violet rose" shade and and I think we are good to go with dresses.

Yay!

Now for the guys. That's gonna be a pain.

2008-07-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

It seemed like an update was in order, although nothing much is going on. Actually, I did get that church thing straightened out ("Oh, we thought you were a new couple, sorry") and I did buy some ridiculously cheap invitations that I just love. People keep trying to shush me when I tell them where I bought them from and for how much (Wal*Mart, $20 for a pack of 50 invites, including RSVP cards w/envelopes.) Just like they shush me when I explain that my beautiful orange leather handbag is faux Tod's. ("You don't have to tell!" they exclaim. "Just let people think it's real!" ... Yeah, I guess I could do that. But for this Chinese girl there is more glory in getting an excellent-quality replica for $80 USD than there is in pretending my bag is real.)

Of course the invitations need to be prettied up - little bows or tiny rhinestones, something that will add a little color, a whisper of bling. OH and I saw a teal dress the other day that made me seriously rethink my colors (claret and pink). Too bad teal is not Valentiney. If I gave up my Valentine theme, I might as well have given up my date in favor of getting the first-choice church. (We are not getting married on Valentine's DAY, FYI. I am not narcissistic enough to make 400 people gaze at a 3-tier cake and a slideshow of us on a day they'd rather be gazing into each others' eyes.)

Well, that's about it. I need to go dress shopping for my 'maids, shirt shopping for his dudes, and start buckling down on our menu. The Hilton has some fabulous menus that are seafood-heavy, but reckoning with shellfish allergies is taking all the fun out of those. Looks like almost every dish is going to feature ... chicken.

I really loved Marjorie Williams' essay, "Reader, I Married" in which she explains how she and her husband, Tim, arrived at their wedding choices. For the food, they simply ordered only foods they liked. This is not to say they didn't take elderly guests' shellfish allergies into consideration, just that the non-shellfishy dishes were required to be dishes that the couple enjoyed. Good rule of thumb. I wonder if it's too diva to lay down one rule: NO MUSHROOMS on our menu. Would it not be grand to have the first Chinese meal (of bazillions I'm sure) of our marriage one that I don't have to sift and pick through?

Hm. Thinkies.

what the where?

2008-07-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

So, remember when the church messed up but then made good when they gave me the other location? Today I got an e-mail that said, Sorry, but we cannot hold your wedding on your chosen date. It is the weekend of Punahou Carnival.

Am I the only one with the eerie sensation that we are moving backwards through time? Scott and I should just have a backyard wedding, a barbecue reception, and a honeymoon on the North Shore already. Note to those planning on getting married: If you can at all budget for it, hire a coordinator who will deal with this kind of crap so you don't have to.

my most productive wedding planning day yet!

2008-06-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

<-- Wedding planning makes us sleepy.

Woke up one morning after getting back from Cali and thought to myself, I really should have my dress picked out and ordered by now. I sort of had it picked out - as in, I had gone in to about seven bridal shops, fallen in love with every single dress I tried on (around 20 in total), but had been keenest on Princess Brides' large selection of rentable dresses, one very modern Maggie Sottero in particular. I filled out their bridal profile after finding myself in love with "my Maggie."

I wore it, I loved it, I gushed about it and wheedled the proprietor into letting me take a picture of it so that I could show everyone (except Scott) what it looked like. I did have a backup, but only because everyone insisted on it. I figured - I'm pretty low-maint. Even if later on it doesn't seem to be my dream dress, well, I never was a Barbie girl. I'd deal.

So today when I went in to seal the deal with my Maggie, I tried on the backup first, just to get it out of the way. On the rack, it looked hideous (but then, it's my opinion that almost all wedding gowns look hideous on the rack) - too ivory, too much bling, too long a train. But on it went, and when I stepped into the light, it was a completely different story. You totally know where this is going - I tried on the dream dress and of course it looked like a sackcloth, and in the end, I put the down payment on my backup and walked out wondering what I'd been thinking, wanting to wear that other one. I still think it's beautiful, it just can't hold a candle, shape-wise, to the so-called "backup."

Hopefully the situation won't reverse itself when I go into my first fitting - I will not, I hope, look longingly at my Maggie and regret the decision I made. I seriously doubt it, though. I don't know if you're supposed to say this about a wedding gown, but my dress is HOT.

No pics. That's how sure I am!

And now for the hairy detail$. My 50 percent down payment is, are you comfortably seated, $635 and change. That is a down payment on a rental. The total cost is just shy (not shy enough for most, I suspect) of the cost of the dress. I had serious second thoughts about putting down this much money for something I would not be able to keep. But then I added up the inclusions: Use of a $400 Swarovsky-embellished veil, shoes, jewelry, tiara, cleaning, all alterations. I will likely use my own jewelry, jury's still out on the headpiece (I think I'm over tiaras), and heaven knows I'd have no problem budgeting for a pair of shoes both wedding-lovely and, ahem, addable to my permanent collection, but the veil and alterations alone sealed the deal for me. Who knew veils were so freakin' expensive? I wanted to be a renegade and not have one but after a vendor at a Bridal Expo placed one on my head "just to see," I have to admit I can see the appeal. (But I will not be wearing it over my face, sorry.)

The $1270 includes all my accessories, plus a free tux rental (so any hopes Scott might have been harboring of not wearing a tux are officially dashed - we are USING all the FREE STUFF we can possibly get out of this deal, and besides, when am I ever again going to see him in one? I've never even seen him in a tie!), plus I will never again have to worry about the dress. Won't have to clean it, preserve it, store it, fret over the fact that no one will ever want it. Well, maybe I will want it, but too bad. I have a closet full of dresses that I love, which will hopefully be enough consolation when it is time to give this one back.

In addition to the dressy-dress, we unlocked a lot of Church roadblocks. Bless my mom, who marched down to the church in person to find out what all the hullaballoo was about. (Phone system on the fritz, looks like.) I finally got to speak to one of the Important Coordinators on the phone, and she was really nice, which helps so much when you're doing things like scheduling the million and one appointments we have to schedule. Yipe.

Also started looking into the Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter (a requirement for marriage in the Diocese of Honolulu) and realized - I am totally looking forward to this. Scott blanched at hearing we need to spend 44 hours locked down in a private facility to do pretty much nothing but talk to each other - but this weekend encounter is all kinds of perfect for me, as I love talking, learning about him, and reflecting on questions like these.

AND! Started on the invitations (I finally learned how to spell my fiance's middle name!) and, at Scott's urging, started looking around on bestbridalprices.com for prices that won't make us want to slit our wrists (or get married by a justice of the peace with our bridal party in jeans and t-shirts).

Keep ya posted.

that's why i love him

2008-06-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

This morning's mail call:

"Forget about spending $ on a dress when you can do it on the cheap! We already got the supplies from Sam's Club the other day!

http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080620/BREAKING01/80620017

Love,

Your Pake Husband-to-Be"

notes to self

2008-06-14T15:28:00.001-07:00

Gathering ideas as I make my way through Vegas and LA (one of them being, why didn't we do a Vegas theme?) ... just jotting a few notes so I don't forget to look into things when I get back ...

Ch. cartons
Clear labels
Seal-n-send
Small ribbons
Engagement portrait, large (call Bullet)
Save-the-dates (call Bullet)
Thank-yous
FLOWERS

woe / whoa

2008-06-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

So much to do. Groggy from yesterday - graduation (from which we didn't return till midnight), preceded by a three-hour lunch with some of Scott's friends. They got married last November, and the wife is an organizational pro. We looked at favors (on a home-cooked assembly line, each of these babies has about seven stops), invitations (five stops on the assembly line), seating charts and check-in sheets (if there's one thing I do not EXCEL at, it's EXCEL) ... etc. We are equipped (armed, even) with more ideas than we knew we needed.

Overload.

Going back to bed.

here, too

2008-05-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

I already posted this on Facebook, but am disgruntled enough to post it EVERYWHERE. So here ya go:

I've spent years hemming and hawing over whether to get a tattoo. Those years have also been spent discussing (mostly with my mother) the implications of bearing body art, arguing that tattoos do not go hand-in-hand with subversive lifestyles or personalities, do not indicate necessarily criminal mindsets, do not make a person bad.

I got as many piercings as I could without becoming my own personal definition of Way Too Freaky, but always shied from tattooing - despite really wanting at least one design - for several reasons: 1) I could not render with my own hand what I most wanted to display, 2) if I got a tattoo, I'd want it in a place I could see it, and was never in a very good position to be sporting visible ink, and 3) permanent change scared me.

Tuesday my friend and I went to 808 in Kaneohe, where I finally got drawn on - yay! It was a simple tattoo that I had thought of one day, nothing elaborate, and nothing I'd ever wanted before. It made me smile. So I brought in a font, Biz made a stencil, and I walked out of 808 with my fiance's name on the inside of my left ankle. I joked that I had just set the Women's Movement back about 50 years, but honestly, I loved it.

I didn't do this for anyone but myself - but I will say that I have been bothered by others' reactions. There have been several "cute!"s, several shocked silences, and more than a few "But why?"s. Those "why"s have been followed by the whole "What if your relationship doesn't work out?" ... which is so unbelievably rude all I can do is stare blankly at the person and sort of walk away, or shut the car door, or shake my head.

I could see cause for this "concern" if I were 18 and had been dating S for a couple of months - or even years - with no prospects for a future in sight. But in case Rude People didn't notice, when he asked me to marry him, I said "yes," which means I have firm plans for us to be together forever. I know that very few people these days enter marriage with actual eternity in mind, so call me Merrily Novel or whatever you will, and go back to living your own skeptical life.

By the way, when I announced my engagement, no one said, "But why? What if it doesn't work out?" Gee, maybe because that's a rude and generally horrible thing to say? I doubt they realize they're saying pretty much the same thing to me now. You know, if something happened and the marriage wasn't working out, a drawing on my ankle would be the very least of my concerns.

Tattoos are a lot like marriage. They require commitment; they should be well thought-out (never rushed into); they should be rendered/performed by someone who knows well what you want. You can undo a marriage or a tattoo, but it is an expensive and painful process. No one should go under the needle thinking "I can always undo this if I don't like it," just as no one should enter marriage thinking, "I can always leave him if it doesn't work out." You should be sure before you sit in the chair; you should be sure before you propose or accept. Tattoos, like marriage, are permanent change, which I no longer fear.

So if it will help Rude People to shut the f*ck up, and in case it wasn't patently clear when I agreed to this proposal to merge our lives that I am sure of Scott, and sure of myself, and sure of US, I am.

Thenk you veddy much.

one down ...

2008-05-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

First wedding of The Season! Here we are in our silver strappies. My foot is to the right of the bride's ... one of my favorite VS pairs ever. Love to Sheron, my amazing friend, who made my dress fit like a dream in the nick of time.

2008-05-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

partay

2008-05-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

Crane folding party! I can only have one if nobody minds that I suck at folding and will leave the entire operation to them. I will serve food, however. That's a good exchange, right?

5 bridesmaids, 1 brother-slave, 1 sisky-in-law, 1 haole sister and me. Yie, can I fit 9 people in my house?

decisions

2008-04-27T02:07:00.000-07:00

While it wasn't quite as intoxicatingly fun as last time (something about a dull headache and no soda machine in sight), this time was more productive. I decided what I didn't want. I decided a few important things I did want. I narrowed it down to one vendor and two gowns. Price tag: $500 + tax. That's right, folkses ... I will be the proud non-owner of my dream wedding gown. Decision made.

We went to two places, where I tried on a total of seven dresses. (Way off my game today. It was the headache.) I love Toy but it seems that every dress I pick out is something like $1200.00. So I went to Princess Brides and discovered that I could pick pretty much anything I wanted (and have it precisely altered) for $500.00 - which includes shoes, jewelry, and tiara. I might not actually use these extras - I am picky about shoe height (I know I have to be reasonable but still, I don't want to wear Dyeables), I definitely want to wear my own jewelry, and I think I'm over the whole tiara thing. But they are nice extras to have available. The $500 rental seems to be the best option. There is the whole giving it back thing, but I don't even have under-the-bed space - I can't fathom where I'd put a huge garment box. Yep, decision made.

dress fund updates

2008-04-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

Starting to re-entertain notions of renting. I mean, what AM I going to do with the thing after the fact? Take it out and play with it? Try to force it on my daughter?

Assuming I don't put my hand in the cookie jar prematurely, I'm now good to go on any of the dresses I saw, loved, and had to have torn off me because I wouldn't voluntarily get out of it.

Could I save a lot by renting? Honestly, not a lot - a $500 rental package is so very close to a $700 price tag - but I could save some, plus avoid the hassle of cleaning and storing it afterwards.

Still up in the air.

weekendcap

2008-04-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Wedding Expo was good! There was actual FOOD. And cake samples galore. I changed my mind about hating cake - I sampled too many lovely red velvets and even a lighter-than-air strawberry shortcake, and I am sold, and the naysayers were right: there is no such thing as a wedding pie or a wedding flan. You win.

Thank God I have my photog already because those guys are pushier than the cake people and I truly cannot tell the difference between most of them.

Got my makeup done by a Paul Mitchell girl, which was lots of fun except for the walking out with two different eyes part. (Both eyes were beautiful, they just didn't match each other.)

Bon and I saw one of our grade school classmates, who looked very much like she wanted to die or run away from us. To stave off comments from the peanut gallery (Dan), let me say I was not a bully in grade school. Bit of a drama queen, mebbe, but not a bully. And wasn't seventh grade eighteen years ago?

TDL:

- Figure out what TIME to hold the ceremony. You would not believe the consternation this one simple detail has caused so far.

- Save-the-dates

- Bridesmaid dress / groomsman shirt browsing

So, my friend and bridesmaid Peahen (the one without the e-mail) is in town to solidify details for her own October wedding. Yay. Anything that will take my mind off my own!!

time's a ticking

2008-04-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

Next week Sat: Bridal Expo w/Bon.
Following Sat: Wedding dress shopping.

Woo!

saturday

2008-04-12T18:39:00.001-07:00

I found the real wedding dress of my dreams @ the trunk show after ACUW's 2008 fundraiser fashion show. It's beautiful, unreasonably red, and completely unaffordable. Ah well, at least I got to touch it.

I dragged Bonnie backstage where she encouraged me to try on a different dress, a $2400 wedding dress (no, thank you, what if I love it?), and we dorkily got our picture taken with Anne Namba (who is exceptionally cool for letting me photograph her clothes.)

This is not the greatest picture of the dress - the room's poor lighting makes it look orange, when it's actually a true red. Don't worry, I know that only a China-Chinese or a truly ballsy, New Yorkified Chinese American could get away with so red a wedding dress. It's just for fun. Sniff.

are you for real?

2008-04-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

The church thing seems to be resolved. We got "the other one." Which is good - it's the one I grew up attending, it's close to my mom's so it's convenient, etc.

And now (because a new problem must be presented the second the old one is out the door), S completely seriously wants to take 16 other people on our honeymoon. He thinks it will be fun*.

Can I have just, like, a month of peace where I don't have to fight anyone on stupid issues?

*A trip to Disneyland and Vegas with our families will be tremendously fun. Note I said A TRIP, not A HONEYMOON.

checkcheck

2008-04-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

Church
Reception venue
Photographer
5 bridesmaids.

Still-to-secure: the actual officiant, flowers, hair/makeup, all attire. And, I'm sure, two thousand and seventeen other things that have not yet even crossed my mind. Got one - flower girl. I think Mei Mei would be adorable but in February she'll be all of 2.5 years old. Maybe Sami.

Tagging along to Princess Brides with Niranda today. I need to learn her corset as well as get a better feel for gowns in general ... And do something about my gargantuan bridesmaid dress, so that her wedding doesn't turn into a three-ring circus courtesy of moi.

Note to self: S still needs to inform groomsmen. He's got 'em all picked out, he just hasn't mentioned it to any of them yet.

P.S. Got another one - invitations. Duh.

P.P.S. Rings! Rings would be nice.

cinque

2008-03-21T11:07:00.001-07:00

'Tis official, I have 5 bridesmaids. S now has to go think on this, for his side, and then we have to order our people and start thinking about dresses and such.

"I swear I have no more friends," I told him. I think he said, "Hmph."

It's pretty funny to think about what our lineup's going to look like. Our friends are so very different. Not only are the girls different (personality-wise) from the guys, the girls and guys are different from each other.

I forgot to mention in my ducks entry that we also have our PHOTOG lined up. Thank God. And the other thing we have to do is pick engagement photos for the save-the-dates and whatnot.

ducks

2008-03-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

Slowly lining them up. So far secured: the church, the reception site, and four of my bridesmaids (my two best friends from high school, my current coworker, and my former coworker/current retail therapist/dogsitter/fellow Manoan). I would like to ask my grad school friend, but that would make it FIVE GIRLS, yikes. YIKES.

wedding expo

2008-02-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

I'm actually more excited about the upcoming Pet Expo (though I can't find any information on when it might be) but this year's Bridal Expo is coming up on April 18-19.

At least at the Pet Expo you get a ton of free stuff and cheap dog treats. At the Bridal Expo, all you get in return for braving the crushing crowds is a bunch of glossy pamphlets and some stale cake samples, and that's a maybe on the cake. Maybe Scott's 6-foot-tall ex will be in the fashion show; at least then it will be worth my time. (Did I mention her presence at some Superbowl party was the only reason I considered going? ... and ended up not going, that is how deeply my disdain for football runs.)

2008-02-20T23:46:00.000-08:00

The church is on board. We still need to mail the deposit but everyone's got us on their calendars so I guess there's a wedding on the horizon. (I know I keep saying that ... but I really have needed everything locked down before believing that our date is our date.) Speaking of "our date," when Hilton locked us in, I told my friend Talia, "I have a date! Yay!" and she just blinked at me, totally scandalized by the idea that I had a date. As in, a hot hot Saturday coming up.

Haha.

No, V, that conversation was real. (Please, please tell me you really said yes.)

2008-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

We have entered the 12-month zone. You know, where all the wedding mags and sites say you MUST begin serious preparation. Eaka freaka. Anyway, the hotel's got us down (pending the DP) but the church has yet to get on board, date-wise. I say we just get married without 'em but that would leave Scott marrying a corpse because my mom would kill me. Hehe.

So.

There are a thousand other things I should be thinking of but of course now I want to think about my dress. I scraped all the salt off my argument for the one(s) I love, and now it's time to shop again. Of course there are also bridesmaid dresses to consider. I love quirky and color - I want them in a valentiney stagger - but that might be met with some opposition. Not from them, but from Mr. Those Shoes Don't Match That Outfit.

Just kidding, honey.

Already budgeting out the 20th's paycheck. I em sed. We haven't even begun saving - I'm struggling just to clear my CC balances and meet my monthly mortgage payment. We have the Hilton deposit and the church deposit to reckon with, and then it should be quiet until we start putting big ticket items on our credit cards - bridal party attire, stationery, flowers, etc.

naptime at my desk

2008-02-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

Eating in (leftovers upon leftovers) hasn't killed us yet.

Constant reminders that we have no money because my ring cost more than all the tea in China haven't killed me yet.

And ... we haven't killed each other yet.

So it seems we shall survive till next February.

Gotta go heat up some leftovers and work on my latest column.

first of all

2008-02-07T00:23:00.000-08:00

Gaaaaaah. Note how many PAGES there are. And then note all the things we are NOT allowed to do.

febseven

2008-02-06T00:46:00.000-08:00

We're for real getting married; we finally have a date. I'm a little worried about where these copious amounts of money are suddenly going to spring from, but at least it's all a little more real now.

come ON

2008-01-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of the month. The hotel did not call me back "around the end of January" as previously promised. There is the slim chance that she'll call today, but in the meantime, my other browser window is open to the website of the "hotel down the road" and it's looking ... well, a lot cheaper and friendlier. Less swanky, sure, and very un-Chinese (my dad might have a gigantic cow) but who doesn't want to get this show on the road, already? I don't care if we eat lobster curry or beef wellington or cheeseburgers that night, I just want to marry my fiance.

one decision down, two billion to go

2008-01-30T00:55:00.000-08:00

I made a decision: I'm going to choose and buy my dress alone. When I go in focused and ready to actually pick the dress, I'm not taking any of my friends. It was so fun to go with Bonnie that day - I felt like the princess that I will never really be. If you know me, and if you know how empowered I felt after reading Marjorie Williams' essay on princesshood, you'll know that it's not a bad thing not to wear a crown - but there are moments in the life of a grown-up tomboy that feeling like a princess is like feeding candy to your soul.

But after having several lukewarm (and over-the-shoulder, if anything) discussions with Scott about the gown I love and 1) hearing him say that it would call too much attention to me (<-- art major + pragmatic personality = scott) and 2) never hearing him say that I would look beautiful no matter what I wore, I realized that he should never have had a say in the first place, because the wedding gown, as I see it, is the one thing on that day that belongs only to me.

Either he has been gently trying to tell me to stop bothering him with these details, as he doesn't give a fig what I wear, or he really thinks it's an overly outlandish dress, or he really thinks nothing should call attention to me that day. But the point is that this is the one thing about our wedding that is not about him. Everything else - the ceremony of it all - is ours. Joined, shared, ours. These pre-wedding decisions - place, time, people? He has as much say as I do. But that dress? That dress is not what I give to him - I give him me. The dress only adorns me.

The dress will be a valentine to myself, an important one - the outfit in which I deliver myself to a shared life, but that also declares that I will always and forever belong to me. It may not be the red dress I've dreamed of, but I've decided that as I prepare my heart for Scott, I'm getting dressed for me alone.

So I have put aside notions of renting the dress, and I've put aside notions of a wild splurge. Because it has to belong to me and no one else, and because I have to pay for it myself, no credit. So, I have no idea what I'll come up with. I only know it'll be something special.

engagement photos

2008-01-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

B knows what he's doing. Even though they are raw and I look tubby and some police tape needs to be photoshopped out, I am happy happy HAPPY with the pics. Yay for Bullet!

We had a good time. Well, I did. S was in a terrible mood just before the shoot and since I absorb terrible moods like Bounty absorbs water, I just sort of stayed away from him till we reached our location. But B had us laughing in no time (not to mention catching me up on a year's worth of pageant gossip) and the pics (what I've seen of them) are nice!

More to come.

2007-12-12T21:12:00.001-08:00

So many wedding shows on WE. What does WE stand for anyway? I could google it, but I'm too lazy to alt-tab google.com. Tired.

Maybe when I'm less tired I'll go to theknot.com and build my fantasy wedding. I've heard that's a good thing to do - construct the wedding of your dreams, then implement your budget, hacking and slashing till you've got something realistic. It is probable that you will retain at least some elements of your pie-in-the sky wedding.

ps the problem with a lot of wedding attire sites is that they don't list the prices. stupid.

sigh

2007-12-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

Dress shopping was ... intoxicating. The more gowns I tried on, the drunker I got.

Also tried on some awesome ones at a different place that wouldn't allow pictures.

And what's this nonsense I was spewing about not needing a veil? I loved the veil. What I did not love about the veil was its price. What is up with $200 for a piece of tulle? Nvm, jury's still out on the veil.

Advice for wedding dress browsers:

- Wear an outfit that doesn't require a bra so when trying on backless stuff, no bra lines.
- Makeup. Good boutique lighting can only do so much.
- Everything looks schmaltzy in its vinyl cocoon. Let them take it out of the bag.
- Call ahead and ask if you'll be allowed to photograph yourself in the dresses you try on. You might want to skip the ones who say no, at least early on.

oh, em gee

2007-12-08T12:54:00.000-08:00

I am going dress shopping in an hour! I hope this doesn't happen.

tabling the issue

2007-11-29T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today I discovered Oneida.com. OoooOOOooo.

I've always liked setting a nice table - my favorite table ever was Bon's bridal shower table(s) at L'Uraku. Motif: polychrome paradise (I miss those umbrellas.) Each guest had a different colored napkin, and either a blue or green gift bag by her plate. I arranged red, yellow and pink rose petals down the center of the table. It sounds like a big color-mess but in the mid-morning light, and with L'Uraku's decor, it looked very pretty.

I've long been a fan of Pier 1 and have purchased many an odd piece of dinnerware from the Ward location - a rectangular orange and red dish with an elephant on it, cereal bowls, a pair of sterile white plates big enough to tap dance on, a really big mug. I bought my first placemats and cloth napkins (orange with embroidered dragonflies) from Pier 1.

My second favorite table made use of those placemats and napkins - had some friends over and cooked up an outdoor dinner for four. White plates, orange mats and napkins, a few fat candles. Such ceremony. When was the last time I had those friends over? Um, had 'em over the new place for a Passion Party, and the majority of people had to sit on the floor. I think I served frozen lasagna on paper plates.

I no longer have a dining table. I have a table that used to be used for mealtimes and now holds more crap than you can shake a stick at. It's been converted to the "computer table." We eat on the couch in front of the TV. I have a wrought iron-looking thing that I bought on a whim from Ross because I thought it would look so awesome on my lanai. We used to eat outside at this table. Even though it had an inconvenient design (spaces big enough for your fork to fall through, for instance) at least it was a table to eat at.

Anyway this was supposed to be about dinnerware. Oneida.com - hm, maybe we should register for china. It's not china in the stuffy, Waterford sense, but modern, colorful stoneware that can be mixed and matched. True to my wacky form, though, what first caught my eye was a set of handpainted Farmhouse Rooster ware. What's not to love about a barnyard motif? Come 'n' get it.

haha

2007-11-26T23:41:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Too bad we don't have a romantic bone in our collective bodies.

Er, that sounded WRONG.

newsies

2007-11-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

I like this dress.

And after re-wrapping a Cinnamon Girl t-shirt for my little girl cousin for the third time, I realized that I really like tulle. Poor Scott.

My friend N has asked me to be part of her bridal party. I can't think of anything more fun. (Well, my own wedding is, in my book at least, supposed to be at least slightly more fun, but you know what I mean.) Yesterday she called to say she wasn't having a bridal party but was doing matching haku lei for her close girlfriends. I thought that was awesome but she changed her mind - yay!! I thought her original idea was sweet and simple, very original. (I was tempted to steal the "no 'maids or 'men" concept, frankly.) But am jazzed that two of my friends are getting hitched in '08 and I get front-row seats at both ceremonies.

Yep - that's about where things are right now; I'm all excited about my friends' weddings. S and I can't even book the hotel till 12 months in advance, and I feel like I can't do anything till we have the date solidified. I want to send save-the-dates but what if ours is snagged? I want to shop for dresses but it feels wrong like what if we end up with a much later date and my tastes change and yada yada yada.

Yada.

Oh yeah we (WE!!) watched 3+ episodes of "Bridezillas" last night. I turned to S several times and said, "Aren't you glad you're marrying ME?" With hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on a wedding alone, people become slightly insane. I'd like to think that if we had a limitless budget that we'd still keep it simple and that maybe we'd just have awesome food. And maybe a cocktail hour. Not go stupidly overboard with decorations, planners, custom made furniture, absurd cakes, etc.

Anyway, we do not have a limitless budget so that is moot. And truth be told I don't regret not being able to afford an open bar. My relationship with alcohol = tepid. It makes people stupid. I used to think that was funny. Now it worries me. I guess that's part of getting older. Besides, if you have to get drunk to endure our wedding then, um, don't come. Just send money. Hehehe.

yay me

2007-11-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

I made a cute save-the-date card! ... Now if only we had an actual date.

cookieeeeeee

2007-11-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

Geri just gave me some fortune cookies her daughter, Michele, used as favors. Her theme was wine, and the cookies were brown (chocolate) and red (sort of fruit loop-flavored) ... SO PRETTY, and so tasty. Of course the fortune was a custom-designed slip of paper that said thank you from the couple ... cute.

Cookies. See, I get so distracted by all the fun stuff when I should be planning out the who, the when, and the where. Instead, I get all caught up in discussions about back in the day when people put homemade fruitcake in hand-folded, printed boxes as favors. (I like fruitcake, so this is very appealing to me.) Veil, no veil? Chocolate cake? Two attendants or three? Mannerless friends and well-behaved near-strangers: invite both, or neither? Theme. Budget. Family. Scalloped invitations.

Le sigh. See? Concentrate on cookies. It's less of a headache.

updates ...

2007-11-06T21:10:00.000-08:00

I like this.
I like that.
I LIKE being engaged.
No date yet.
No venue yet.
No RUSH yet.
I love my Club Wedd planner.
I love my shiny shiny ring.
I LOVE my fiance.

evolution indeed

2007-11-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Hot now: Le bridesmaid dress

2007-10-29T15:00:00.001-07:00

Doing the numbers the other night, disheartening as the (hypothetical) figures were, made me feel better. I guess it's because numbers keep everything real and grounded, not pie-in-the-sky. Yes, it'll be difficult, but it's for a purpose (thanks Dan).

Purpose: to kill everyone by walking down the aisle in THIS! ... just kidding. Although it is gorgeous:

I dreamed last night that my baby turned into a great big meanie. Not a smack-his-bitch-up meanie, but a total uncaring clod. ODD DREAM.

P.S. Stupid Target.com won't ship the planner to Hawaii (apparently they won't ship anything heavier than a sweater to the isles) so Leecie is picking one up for me in one of their stores and mailing it to me. Yay for Leecie!

arkle-spay

2007-10-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

... Decent pic still to come.

getting funny with money

2007-10-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

Skipped this weekend's bridal expo. It would have been fun, but with something like $12 in my checking account, now is not the time to get razzle-dazzled by taffeta or seascapes. Now is the time to get serious about everything money-related.

(Getting serious made me sad, so I visited color swatches at Alfred Angelo and discovered some cutie stuff in their "Dream in Color" line.)

Just kidding about being sad, but not kidding about budgeting. For "fun" I did some loose budgeting, starting with my take-home and deducting mortgage, association and maintenance fees, electric, and general expenses. If I subtracted and divided correctly, it would take me 138 months to save up enough to pay for what in this state is considered a "modest" wedding.

Some points to consider (and this is all hypothetical of course, because 138 months is stupid):

- The above figuring assumes that between now and the end of 138 months I eat even less than I do now, drive about half as much as I currently do, and make no extraneous purchases. Sweater on sale? IGNORE. Pack of gum? FORGET IT. Jamba Juice? NYET. Yoga pants from Sam's Club that they never have in your size except today? WALK AWAY.

- I budgeted so the cat and dog can still eat like furry little vacuum cleaners, but they'd better not get sick because that's going to throw everything off.

- The above figuring does not factor in the following: wedding dress, attendants' attire, floral arrangements, or honeymoon.

- The above figuring does factor in the following: reception music by BROTHER WITH iPOD AND SPEAKERS, hair by ME AND MY FLATIRON, and rehearsal dinner by YOUR HIBACHI AND MINE.

Okay, that was fun (no really, it was ... and seriously, the iPOD and speakers, I think, is a fabulous idea. If all we had to rent were ass-kicking speakers? Hey. Oh, and by the way, the last time my flatiron and I did serious work together, I met and snagged my future fiance. Hee hee.)

Now let's re-calculate with S and I sharing the cost. That's either 69 months of ultra-frugal behavior on both our parts or 138 months of not-so-tight behavior. Now let's recalculate with my parents contributing 25 percent. It would still take me 52 months (or a little over four years) to come up with the $9375 left. (All of this, take note, assumes the scenario in which my parents magically and instantaneously pay 25 percent, S and I contribute equally and at the same rate toward the other 75 percent.)

I have several things to say about this.

One, yikes. Two, thank God for credit cards. Three, one of the main reasons the amount I can put away monthly (according to my trying-to-be-realistic calculations) is a paltry $180, is because I have a whopping mortgage payment that pretty much sucks me dry each month. So, while if we had no credit and had to come up with all the cash we needed before planning we would not get married for several years, at least we would have a place to live in the interim. Four, yay for ramen and Hot Pockets. Five, I just put my beloved chaise on Craigslist and that's only so I can pay off what I already have sitting on my credit cards. Six, 2009 has a nice ring to it, I guess. Seven, when I was in college I had several paraprofessional educator jobs, the income from which could have paid for two-thirds of the "modest" wedding. Not to make myself sick or anything.

Okie, enough thinking for one night.

the fun part

2007-10-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

Went over to Leecie's brother's last night ... All three brothers, plus their awesome mom, plus Rolando (old friend) and his daughter were there. Of course, so was fiance Daniel, and Kuma the big slobbery pony-dog. Daniel was playing that card game with Hi'iaka, the one where you lick the card, stick it to your forehead, and make bets with each other. You'd have to LOVE kids to endure this game with one who doesn't understand the rules for as long as he did.

So she showed me the organizer, some dress ideas, and her so-far plans with the hotel - all the while expressing (repeatedly) her pity for me because my wedding is going to be much, much larger than hers. There was a time that the sympathy would have gone in the opposite direction, but as they say, reality bites. So do reception site costs.

Decisions We have made so far:

To get married.

Decisions We still need to make:

Where? When? How? Before whom? By whom?
Food? Drinks? Decor?
How much to spend? What not to bother with?

Decisions I still need to make:

Change my name to ...? (because it used to be just "Change my name?")
Traditional dress or What I Really Want?

Yeah. So far, I've perused David's Bridal and have purchased the planner. And that's it. And that's okay.

P.S. All and sundry are trying to talk me into 2009.

ahaha

2007-10-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

A running log of reactions to our (piecemeal) engagement announcement:

"Did you tell him you need a few days to think about it?" - my mom
"Wait! What? You guys are married?" - his mom
"Cool!" - my brother
"I'm sorry." - his brother-in-law
"OooOOooo." - my sisky-in-law

giddy, yup

2007-10-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

My GL partner is engaged, too. It's like a fever around here! Had dinner with Lisa and Bon (plus sig-ots) the other night ... This IS the fun part, and gosh darnit, I'm going to enjoy it. Soon enough we'll dig in and plan, but not just yet. P.S. Hooray for these!

<--- Hehehe.

serenity prayer

2007-10-22T01:10:00.000-07:00

Like I need another blog.

I can't sleep. Could be the past three days' nonstop eating; could be our first purposeful wedding discussion and its subsequent stomachache. The topic, by the way, was The Date. Don't wanna go into it, really, but after some thought and a few deep, determined breaths, here's a preliminary list of what I want for our wedding:

- For S and me to remain at its center
- For our family and friends to have a positively memorable time
- For the finished product to reflect love, not obligation
- Utter simplicity

Tall order. But that's what I want. Details like a date that doesn't suck, a makeup artist who shows up on time, and an excellent menu will all fall into one of the aforementioned categories. I want my hair in a half-ponytail. I want at least one of those glass-clinking kisses to be shared by every couple in attendance. I don't want my dress to touch the ground. I don't want to wear white shoes. But above all, I don't want to be swept away by details that really don't matter.

Just before bed, we talked and S said that he didn't know that stuff had to be planned right away. What a great feeling to remind him, and myself, that it doesn't. We just got engaged. And I'm the luckiest person in the world. I can still hear myself say to a good friend, months and months back, that I knew that I could marry S then and there, with no ring, and no huge ceremony - just him and me, living in the moment and looking forward to forever.

So if we wait till 2009, or have that ideal 2008 wedding, or if we get married tomorrow, the end result will be the same: We'll be together.

Deep breaths.

:)