Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged.
I haven't done a Me Meme in awhile and thought I'd bring this one over to the Wedding Blog because ...
Fact #1: Our wedding is less than 40 days away. Geez, after typing that out, it's a bit difficult to think of anything else. Because of the hyperventilating.
Fact #2: My dating history up till Scott included two great loves, one big head-scratcher, a fling who still makes me smile, a mama's boy, a boy with daddy issues, and a boy I loved from afar. I had a Big, an Aidan, and even a Berger. Scott defies labels - he is and has been, since the day we met, who he is. Nothing less, no one else.
Fact #3: For the first four months, I never once thought we would date seriously, let alone get married.
Fact #4: I like the chewiness of fondant.
Fact #5: When I think about Wedding Day, I feel giddy, like a six-year-old getting ready for a play or a sixteen-year-old getting ready for prom. But when I think about marriage, I feel serene and ... 30.
Fact #6: I love our proposal story.
Fact #7: The only other person in my life I ever would have married was smart enough not to propose.
Fact #8: Our bridal party is 12 large, plus us. That is one hell of a head table.
Fact #9: I know nothing about my wedding band. As in, has it been ordered? I don't know. What does it look like? I don't know. When do we pick it up? I don't know. How much did/will it cost? I don't know. Will I have one on Wedding Day? I don't know.
Fact #10: I am more excited to see Scott in formalwear than I am to see my wedding band.
Fact #11: I can't remember what my gown looks like.
Fact #12: Till we have kids, and I admit this is probably quite naive, I can't think of a single way married life is going to change us on the day-to-day. I've felt totally committed to him since '06, and we've lived together for about that long - so where do the differences come in? Well, the name change thing, yes. And maybe we will have nicer towels. :P
Fact #13: When we got engaged, I didn't want to have kids. Kona, Callie, and the 23 kids I see all day 5 days a week were more than enough to think about.
Fact #14: He wants to live in a house, and I love condo living.
Fact #15: Engaged Encounter was an awesome investment. Possibly the best $300 we've ever spent.
Fact #16: We've made each other healthier, not by doing things for each other (teach a man to fish ...) but by showing each other the best parts of ourselves, and then the worst parts, and meeting every challenge with an open heart.
If you read this blog, tag - you're it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
the plunge
Just before waking up, I dreamed it was Wedding Day. We were in a different hotel, and the layout was all different from what we'd discussed, but none of it fazed me. I was happy.
Then I realized that in all the hustle and bustle of preparations, I had not made arrangements to pick up my gown. I freaked out and ran around till I found my bil, Jeff, who is IRL a cool bil but very easily annoyed, and somewhat sarcastic.
"Jeff! I never picked up my dress. You've got to help me!"
"What am I supposed to do?!"
"HELP ME! Go to the dress shop and pick it up for me!"
It then also occurred to me that the bridesmaid dresses had not been distributed to the bridesmaids. (IRL, this is mostly not true.)
Jeff was still yawning with boredom over my dress problems, but he managed to say, "I'll call mom," referring to our MIL (well, his MIL, my MIL-to-be).
"WHAT?! She doesn't even drive!"
Jeff, already dialing MIL's number, seemed totally unwilling to help me out (Scott says I HAVE to tell Jeff the story of this dream; he seems to think Jeff would find it funny) so I had to concede that getting married in the dress I had on would not be such a bad thing.
I then realized that this was not the real wedding day at all, but some kind of rehearsal. I was very relieved, and I guess my brain was slowly waking up, because I also realized that I was dreaming. What did I decide to do with this realization? Not run up to someone I dislike and kick them in the shins. Not run to the buffet line and eat everything in sight. Instead, I hurled myself over the banister - from the fifth or so floor, all the way down to the lobby.
It did hurt, when I landed on my feet.
Symbolism: taking the plunge. Practice time is almost over. We are getting married. It's coming.
In the past few months, we have had some fights - some minor, a few major, and some downright stupid, but nothing we haven't walked away from intact or even stronger. My happiness in the dream was real. (Let's just hope I remember to pick up my dress.)
Then I realized that in all the hustle and bustle of preparations, I had not made arrangements to pick up my gown. I freaked out and ran around till I found my bil, Jeff, who is IRL a cool bil but very easily annoyed, and somewhat sarcastic.
"Jeff! I never picked up my dress. You've got to help me!"
"What am I supposed to do?!"
"HELP ME! Go to the dress shop and pick it up for me!"
It then also occurred to me that the bridesmaid dresses had not been distributed to the bridesmaids. (IRL, this is mostly not true.)
Jeff was still yawning with boredom over my dress problems, but he managed to say, "I'll call mom," referring to our MIL (well, his MIL, my MIL-to-be).
"WHAT?! She doesn't even drive!"
Jeff, already dialing MIL's number, seemed totally unwilling to help me out (Scott says I HAVE to tell Jeff the story of this dream; he seems to think Jeff would find it funny) so I had to concede that getting married in the dress I had on would not be such a bad thing.
I then realized that this was not the real wedding day at all, but some kind of rehearsal. I was very relieved, and I guess my brain was slowly waking up, because I also realized that I was dreaming. What did I decide to do with this realization? Not run up to someone I dislike and kick them in the shins. Not run to the buffet line and eat everything in sight. Instead, I hurled myself over the banister - from the fifth or so floor, all the way down to the lobby.
It did hurt, when I landed on my feet.
Symbolism: taking the plunge. Practice time is almost over. We are getting married. It's coming.
In the past few months, we have had some fights - some minor, a few major, and some downright stupid, but nothing we haven't walked away from intact or even stronger. My happiness in the dream was real. (Let's just hope I remember to pick up my dress.)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
so lie
That is what the kids say to each other when one of them has told an untruth.
"Ho! So lie!"
Gotta love living in the islands.
Anyway, I lied, I am not shutting up. I am not mortally opposed to flowers, but I have *just* stumbled upon something much better than the flowers and much better than my original idea. It requires a lot of assembly, though. (I used to be mortally opposed to that, but as they say, you only get married once, so we might as well make the most of the experience.)
I am excited. The small stress ball has unraveled, and I have clear enough vision now to pick at the big one and start knitting something useful.
Terrible metaphors, I know. Too excited to fix.
;)
"Ho! So lie!"
Gotta love living in the islands.
Anyway, I lied, I am not shutting up. I am not mortally opposed to flowers, but I have *just* stumbled upon something much better than the flowers and much better than my original idea. It requires a lot of assembly, though. (I used to be mortally opposed to that, but as they say, you only get married once, so we might as well make the most of the experience.)
I am excited. The small stress ball has unraveled, and I have clear enough vision now to pick at the big one and start knitting something useful.
Terrible metaphors, I know. Too excited to fix.
;)
Friday, November 28, 2008
this sucks
Wedding: scheduled.
Party: planned.
Why the eff I'm stressing out on the details is beyond me.
Whether we have lobster or buffalo wings, taffeta or tulle, heavenly centerpieces or Wal*Mart Delite, the outcome is the same. We are not on Weddings of a Lifetime, no one's going to give us any awards for Having Inspired Favors or for Sticking To Our Theme, so why are we having grim lunchtime discussions about the diameter of our centerpieces? Is it because we're getting caught up in it like we said we wouldn't, or because we really do care a teeny tiny bit and have only to admit it so that we can get on with things?
I say let's throw the centerpieces, favors, and theme out the window, and go back to letting the rare weekday lunch together be an actual treat rather than a drudge.
Party: planned.
Why the eff I'm stressing out on the details is beyond me.
Whether we have lobster or buffalo wings, taffeta or tulle, heavenly centerpieces or Wal*Mart Delite, the outcome is the same. We are not on Weddings of a Lifetime, no one's going to give us any awards for Having Inspired Favors or for Sticking To Our Theme, so why are we having grim lunchtime discussions about the diameter of our centerpieces? Is it because we're getting caught up in it like we said we wouldn't, or because we really do care a teeny tiny bit and have only to admit it so that we can get on with things?
I say let's throw the centerpieces, favors, and theme out the window, and go back to letting the rare weekday lunch together be an actual treat rather than a drudge.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
ah, togetherness
Dunno if we'd survive. But we did survive our second meeting with Fr. G! Actually, it was only the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) "test" so as soon as we were done with our Scantron bubbles, we were outta there.
The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.
There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.
I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.
Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.
The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.
There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.
I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.
Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
let them eat ... almond float?
Just some mutterings about cake for my consult:$400 - $500 ('tis not so much to be eaten as to be admired, photographed excessively and then cut).
Can have heart-shaped layers? Can have heart-shaped dummy layer? (See above note: is not to eat.)
How chocolatey is milk chocolate cake?
Can do double-layer tiers?
OK that is all.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Check off another TD and write another fat check: We have purchased all of our bridal party attire. It's not that any one article of clothing cost so much ... it's that we have six per side, and there you have it. Last night we shopped for the last shirt (his sixth groomsman is a 2XL, a size the stores seem not to carry, so we had to purchase it online.) While in line to check for the shirt at Ala Moana Macy's, we stood next to another couple buying four of the exact same shirt.
"Getting married?"
Nods all around.
The shirts are on major sale, and thank goodness because the expenses, now, are really starting to pile up. A Short List of Big Things that have gone on our wedding-sanctioned credit card in the span of a month of so: flowers down payment, six groomsman shirts, the limo, and many a sanity-reclaiming caffeinated beverage for me. (Just passed the four-month soda-free mark on Nov. 5 so no, I'm not drinking soda - it's 99 percent iced teas with the occasional hot cocoa thrown in for fun and Vitamin C(hocolate).
"Getting married?"
Nods all around.
The shirts are on major sale, and thank goodness because the expenses, now, are really starting to pile up. A Short List of Big Things that have gone on our wedding-sanctioned credit card in the span of a month of so: flowers down payment, six groomsman shirts, the limo, and many a sanity-reclaiming caffeinated beverage for me. (Just passed the four-month soda-free mark on Nov. 5 so no, I'm not drinking soda - it's 99 percent iced teas with the occasional hot cocoa thrown in for fun and Vitamin C(hocolate).
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
$ad
I just booked the limo and confirmed our flowers. I think I'll go eat some candy. Because it's free.
At least we didn't actually need a freakin' bus.
Invitations WILL go out this Saturday. Come hell or high postage.
At least we didn't actually need a freakin' bus.
Invitations WILL go out this Saturday. Come hell or high postage.
Monday, November 3, 2008
I yam off to see the florist. I am fully prepared to strike about a thousand things from the long list I made last time in order to stay within the budget we didn't really finish making over grumpy pancakes and omelettes yesterday.
Did I seriously think we were going to be immune to the whole fighting-over-wedding-stuff thing? I guess I did. Because there are so many things I really don't care about. But I guess, actually, the not caring is what is causing these issues. Not caring = not getting stuff done early = getting it done late(r) = major anxiety for S. Me, not so much. I am a worrier when I shouldn't be, and when I'm told I should worry, I don't.
Anyway, I'm not worried. Well, I occasionally worry that one day long after the wedding has come and gone, I will wake up and be sad that I didn't care more about things like cake and tulle. I've been getting more and more into the whole thing, but not enough to start obsessing.
Last week he said he wanted us to write our vows. By his own admission he is not an enthusiastic writer and so I was very surprised by this. I think it was the night of Peahen's wedding. He had said several times that he'd loved my MOH speech, and before we drifted off to sleep, he said it again, along with something like, "My vows are gonna suck compared to yours."
They're not, of course, and truthfully I just love the fact that he wants to write and share something from his heart. Now if only the church would get back to me so that we could seriously get going on this stuff.
Did I seriously think we were going to be immune to the whole fighting-over-wedding-stuff thing? I guess I did. Because there are so many things I really don't care about. But I guess, actually, the not caring is what is causing these issues. Not caring = not getting stuff done early = getting it done late(r) = major anxiety for S. Me, not so much. I am a worrier when I shouldn't be, and when I'm told I should worry, I don't.
Anyway, I'm not worried. Well, I occasionally worry that one day long after the wedding has come and gone, I will wake up and be sad that I didn't care more about things like cake and tulle. I've been getting more and more into the whole thing, but not enough to start obsessing.
Last week he said he wanted us to write our vows. By his own admission he is not an enthusiastic writer and so I was very surprised by this. I think it was the night of Peahen's wedding. He had said several times that he'd loved my MOH speech, and before we drifted off to sleep, he said it again, along with something like, "My vows are gonna suck compared to yours."
They're not, of course, and truthfully I just love the fact that he wants to write and share something from his heart. Now if only the church would get back to me so that we could seriously get going on this stuff.
a literal headache
Longest day of Wedding Tasks ever. Groomsmen's attire, check. New ideas for table decorations, check. Budget discussion, check. Photo order, check. Periodic snippy arguments about all of the above, check.
Also got some invitation work done.
Two consults tomorrow after a work meeting.
Wedding planning - who in their right mind would do this for a living?
Also got some invitation work done.
Two consults tomorrow after a work meeting.
Wedding planning - who in their right mind would do this for a living?
Friday, October 31, 2008
two hundred days
Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?
My consultation w/the florist was the most fun I've had W-planning since the day I selected my dress. We sat down, envisioned, planned loosely, jotted notes, and suddenly I had my first Authoritative Bride moment. I had a list. I had a plan. I had a vision of ... Gerbera daisies?
I surprise myself sometimes.
I wish I could post more details.
I think I'm sort of the opposite of the cautionary tale, the girl who spends so much energy planning a wedding that the marriage part falls to the wayside, and, subsequently, sucks. I have put all my heart into our relationship and just sort of neglected the wedding part, and am just waking up to how fun it can be.
P.S. OK I had no visions of Gerbera daisies, which is why I am convinced that this is the floral designer for me. I threw out adjectives, she suggested specifics. Some surprising, most spot-on. I love her already. I hope we don't break up when she hits me with the estimate tomorrow.
My consultation w/the florist was the most fun I've had W-planning since the day I selected my dress. We sat down, envisioned, planned loosely, jotted notes, and suddenly I had my first Authoritative Bride moment. I had a list. I had a plan. I had a vision of ... Gerbera daisies?
I surprise myself sometimes.
I wish I could post more details.
I think I'm sort of the opposite of the cautionary tale, the girl who spends so much energy planning a wedding that the marriage part falls to the wayside, and, subsequently, sucks. I have put all my heart into our relationship and just sort of neglected the wedding part, and am just waking up to how fun it can be.
P.S. OK I had no visions of Gerbera daisies, which is why I am convinced that this is the floral designer for me. I threw out adjectives, she suggested specifics. Some surprising, most spot-on. I love her already. I hope we don't break up when she hits me with the estimate tomorrow.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
expolicious
It turns out that I have up till one month before the wedding before the first gown fitting. Oh sure, that's practically tomorrow, but uh ... at least it's not today?Yee ha!
Speaking of fittings and gowns, I need a dress for my Peahen's wedding. My BEST FRIEND from high school is getting married next week ... and I am following suit with the ball-and-chain action, it's finally all sinking in. I need to find a dress and some decent shoes, write the speech, try like hell to get the day of her shower off. Suddenly I am uncomfortably busy.
I think I remember doing this a couple of months ago: sitting down and writing out a tentative schedule for the wedding day itself. Now that more of those spaces, faces, and places are being filled in, the picture is slowly coming into focus.
It is a little bit scary.
First of all, we're going to need a freakin' BUS to transport the entire wedding party from place to place. (Not just any bus, a freakin' bus. You got that?) Where am I gonna get a wedding bus? (I said two groomsmen and two bridesmaids were all we needed; Everyone Else said that was kind of smallish for a wedding the size of ours. It's a fine day to start playing the Blame Game.) I'm kidding, of course - I don't regret the decisions we made regarding our bridal party; we love our friends. But I'm not kidding about the Freakin' Bus.
Second. The honeymoon concept is not even on the horizon. Let's get this wedding shindig planned, executed, and paid for before we throw around the H-word, methinks.
Third, now seems like a good time to reiterate (with updates) the cake caveat. It used to be that cake-in-face equaled on-the-spot annulment. Now that we are beginning to invest actual time and actual money in the planning of this endeavor, that seems like a waste (but so does $100+ for makeup being upset by red velvet) ... so now cake-in-face = year-long bedroom lockout. Oh sure, he can still use the bathroom, but the bed is strictly off-limits.
Hee.
For now though, we have yet to order the cake, style his groomsmen, decide on centerpieces and favors, blah etc. blah.
So, off to the Expo I go.
BTW, happy one-year engagement anniversary to us. Um, back on the 13th of this month. Hope we're better at remembering our wedding anniversary!
A short list of Expo successes:
Favors
Centerpieces
A flower contact
Cake
YAY.
Still to figure: Limo. Apparently I wasn't all that far off on the bus thing. The only one that would seat our entire bridal party was ... a VAN. No vans, thanks. I think stretch Hummers are preposterous but I'd ride in one of those before booking a VAN.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
forward movement!
... What a foreign sensation.
I actually cracked open my organizer this week. Several times. Made tables. Made labels. Visited stables in Babel.
The invitations are done. I keep looking them over with extreme fear that I missed something, screwed up the date, misspelled my fiance's middle name, got the hotel address wrong, etc.
So far we have spent $___ on the stationery, gems, and adhesive, which means, without disclosing how many guests we are inviting, $0.60 per invitation, not counting postage. Sweet.
In the frenzy of invitation-making, I forgot that Peahen's wedding is next weekend. She's somehow created an affair that is both high-class and low-key, and I am looking forward to it. The rest of this week and all of next are going to be completely insane. Bridal Expo and continued planning for me; mini-shower, family dinner, mani-pedi sessions for her; wedding for her.
Work has been a little harder on S. lately, which means that I need to give him more breaks at home and take care of more wedding stuff. Which is really fine with me, because he was starting to take charge of stuff in a way that bewildered me. I mean yes, we did need to light a fire and get going on this stuff, but he was starting to chime in on things like invitation designs, for corn's sake. Before you say "Aw, how sweet that he wants to be involved in things like that," may I just say no? There is no Bridezilla in the house, but one can leave a girly thing or two up to the girl, right?
I may have displayed little to no interest in the aesthetic details of our wedding up till recently, but now I have time, energy and the will to rectify that. I gave up the dress of my dreams to satisfy others' sensibilities, and let it be said that from here on out - what the Cat beautifies, let no mother, man, or bystander put asunder.
I actually cracked open my organizer this week. Several times. Made tables. Made labels. Visited stables in Babel.
The invitations are done. I keep looking them over with extreme fear that I missed something, screwed up the date, misspelled my fiance's middle name, got the hotel address wrong, etc.
So far we have spent $___ on the stationery, gems, and adhesive, which means, without disclosing how many guests we are inviting, $0.60 per invitation, not counting postage. Sweet.
In the frenzy of invitation-making, I forgot that Peahen's wedding is next weekend. She's somehow created an affair that is both high-class and low-key, and I am looking forward to it. The rest of this week and all of next are going to be completely insane. Bridal Expo and continued planning for me; mini-shower, family dinner, mani-pedi sessions for her; wedding for her.
Work has been a little harder on S. lately, which means that I need to give him more breaks at home and take care of more wedding stuff. Which is really fine with me, because he was starting to take charge of stuff in a way that bewildered me. I mean yes, we did need to light a fire and get going on this stuff, but he was starting to chime in on things like invitation designs, for corn's sake. Before you say "Aw, how sweet that he wants to be involved in things like that," may I just say no? There is no Bridezilla in the house, but one can leave a girly thing or two up to the girl, right?
I may have displayed little to no interest in the aesthetic details of our wedding up till recently, but now I have time, energy and the will to rectify that. I gave up the dress of my dreams to satisfy others' sensibilities, and let it be said that from here on out - what the Cat beautifies, let no mother, man, or bystander put asunder.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAh
Printed invites. Need to embellish them. Need to print RSVP cards. Need to address invites. Need to ... omg.
Bridal Expo coming up in a couple of weeks (or is it next weekend?) ... going with MOH, and I WILL SECURE:
- Cake
- Limo
- exactly one billion other things I can't even think of right now.
Here's an invitation sample. Kind of fuzzy so you'll have to click on it:
Bridal Expo coming up in a couple of weeks (or is it next weekend?) ... going with MOH, and I WILL SECURE:
- Cake
- Limo
- exactly one billion other things I can't even think of right now.
Here's an invitation sample. Kind of fuzzy so you'll have to click on it:
Monday, September 15, 2008
fun with a gun
... Scanner gun, that is. We finally did our Macy's registry. Eek and EGADS. It only took a couple of hours but by the time we were done, I was ready to drop. And we only put 57 items on our list (the registry guide suggests ___ for the size of our party, and given the size of our Macys we would have had to register for every item on the floor). I should preface the rest of this post by saying that I always thought bridal registries were unforgivably tacky ("Please buy us stuff" being the bottom line of this modern marvel) but my sensibilities have been outnumbered.
A little side note: I just looked up "brother-in-law" and found that there are two readily accepted definitions, and neither of them is my SILTB's husband. But since the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (3rd ed.) accepts that, and since "my husband's brother-in-law" sounds cold and retarded to boot, I'm going with "my BILTB."
So we went from, "We don't really need anything" to "Let's get this cutting board in the shape of a pig!" and "How about this cupcake carrier?" (Admittedly, those were my picks, and I have to say S. was way nicer to me than I thought he would be. Eventually he picked up on a lovely phrase: "Is that what you want?" He even, at one point, wordlessly shouldered my purse. I love him!)
Annnnyway, 'twas quite an adventure. Slightly shell-shocked and completely tired out, we headed to The Wedding Cafe at Ward Warehouse to have lunch (chicken walnut sammy for me; turkey for him; Caesar salad) and flip halfheartedly through some photo albums. If we hadn't had a BOGO coupon for TWC, I would have been just as happy in a drive-thru.
What's next?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
pressure? no?
So, we survived our first meeting with Fr. Gordy.
I'm so used to seeing him in his church robes that I completely walked past him sitting in the office shooting the breeze in an aloha shirt and baseball cap.
A short list of things accomplished: basic intros and some paperwork; the dispensation we need because S. is not Catholic; short individual interviews (he actually sent each of us out of the room as he spoke to the other - and this was the scariest part). We also nailed down the time of our ceremony (HURRAY!!!!!) so now we can print INVITATIONS!!!! I was kind of stressing out about that - but then my Peahen's wedding is in October and she hasn't sent hers out yet, so.
(I know. That's got nothing to do with me, but still, I take a strange comfort in other people's procrastination.)
I had to fill out a questionnaire that asked in a couple of places if I was being coerced into marriage or doing it for some unsavory benefit (green card, swanky house, etc.), which of course I denied.
"So, you're in this for you, not because you're being pressured, right?"
"Yep," I said.
"Good," Fr. Gordy replied. "By the way, how old are you?"
"Just turned 30."
"Yeah, it's about time you got married."
(He totally said this, and he was totally serious. LOVE IT.)
We also touched on (merely brushed, actually) the whole sticky kids subject. Being a Catholic priest, of course he needs to say that having kids is one of the major reasons Catholics get married (at least they've come out of the dark ages and stopped saying it is the reason). I had to check off something that basically said yes, I acknowledged this. But when he orally reviewed my responses, he said mildly, "So, you're open to having kids?"
"We've talked about it," I said. (I didn't say: "If I am seriously considering having kids, shouldn't he, to be fair, seriously consider not having them?") And he let it go at that, which was great. Also, when he brought up raising our future kids Catholic and I breezily said "yes," he looked so taken aback at the ease of my answer that I wondered if I should have given him a harder time, maybe lay down some terms and conditions. It was almost as if he was used to couples putting up more of a fight.
Over dinner, S said that he would told Fr. Gordy (had the question been directed to him) that he would let the kids decide.
Um. (And we did talk about these things, so it's not like I'm venting feelings that S does not know I have.) I don't agree with that. I don't think you can force religion on an adult, but I do think it's a parent's responsibility to bring their children up in and teach them about the faith they hold. Once they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, then they can make decisions that we should support (provided they don't want to join a cult or become Satan worshippers, as I could really not get behind that.) Most Catholics are confirmed at about 14 - 16 but this age range is mostly due to pressure from parents. I think our kids should be baptized into the Catholic church but should make the confirmation decision on their own, which is really what the sacrament is intended to be - an acknowledgement that your parents chose your Catholic faith when you were too young to choose anything, and the embracing of the faith as your own, now that you are an adult.
But kids are light years (or at least years) away, so I'm not going to get all worked up about this now. That's what this weekend is for! :) This weekend is ... well, I don't want to say shot, because I really am looking forward to it. Engaged Encounter. The only person who doesn't snicker when I talk about this is my matron of honor, who herself went through it four years ago. She reports that she and her (non-Catholic) now-husband just loved it. I hope we do, too.
And that's my monthly update. Now that the ball is really rolling, though, they might become more frequent ...
I'm so used to seeing him in his church robes that I completely walked past him sitting in the office shooting the breeze in an aloha shirt and baseball cap.
A short list of things accomplished: basic intros and some paperwork; the dispensation we need because S. is not Catholic; short individual interviews (he actually sent each of us out of the room as he spoke to the other - and this was the scariest part). We also nailed down the time of our ceremony (HURRAY!!!!!) so now we can print INVITATIONS!!!! I was kind of stressing out about that - but then my Peahen's wedding is in October and she hasn't sent hers out yet, so.
(I know. That's got nothing to do with me, but still, I take a strange comfort in other people's procrastination.)
I had to fill out a questionnaire that asked in a couple of places if I was being coerced into marriage or doing it for some unsavory benefit (green card, swanky house, etc.), which of course I denied.
"So, you're in this for you, not because you're being pressured, right?"
"Yep," I said.
"Good," Fr. Gordy replied. "By the way, how old are you?"
"Just turned 30."
"Yeah, it's about time you got married."
(He totally said this, and he was totally serious. LOVE IT.)
We also touched on (merely brushed, actually) the whole sticky kids subject. Being a Catholic priest, of course he needs to say that having kids is one of the major reasons Catholics get married (at least they've come out of the dark ages and stopped saying it is the reason). I had to check off something that basically said yes, I acknowledged this. But when he orally reviewed my responses, he said mildly, "So, you're open to having kids?"
"We've talked about it," I said. (I didn't say: "If I am seriously considering having kids, shouldn't he, to be fair, seriously consider not having them?") And he let it go at that, which was great. Also, when he brought up raising our future kids Catholic and I breezily said "yes," he looked so taken aback at the ease of my answer that I wondered if I should have given him a harder time, maybe lay down some terms and conditions. It was almost as if he was used to couples putting up more of a fight.
Over dinner, S said that he would told Fr. Gordy (had the question been directed to him) that he would let the kids decide.
Um. (And we did talk about these things, so it's not like I'm venting feelings that S does not know I have.) I don't agree with that. I don't think you can force religion on an adult, but I do think it's a parent's responsibility to bring their children up in and teach them about the faith they hold. Once they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, then they can make decisions that we should support (provided they don't want to join a cult or become Satan worshippers, as I could really not get behind that.) Most Catholics are confirmed at about 14 - 16 but this age range is mostly due to pressure from parents. I think our kids should be baptized into the Catholic church but should make the confirmation decision on their own, which is really what the sacrament is intended to be - an acknowledgement that your parents chose your Catholic faith when you were too young to choose anything, and the embracing of the faith as your own, now that you are an adult.
But kids are light years (or at least years) away, so I'm not going to get all worked up about this now. That's what this weekend is for! :) This weekend is ... well, I don't want to say shot, because I really am looking forward to it. Engaged Encounter. The only person who doesn't snicker when I talk about this is my matron of honor, who herself went through it four years ago. She reports that she and her (non-Catholic) now-husband just loved it. I hope we do, too.
And that's my monthly update. Now that the ball is really rolling, though, they might become more frequent ...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
the have (dones) and have not (dones)
Venues - check. The church and hotel are rock-solid. Attire is 2/3 done. Hair and makeup, check. Photo and video, good to go. We're 80 percent sure of our favors, but still need to think about centerpieces. S. has more elaborate preferences for that than I do. I need to attend a Bridal Expo daily, or something, to keep my motivation to plan afloat. Especially after attending the beautiful ceremony and reception that we did tonight. So simple - I think 30 people - on the beach, and then to dinner at the Willows. A long table, tropical flowers, great company, and delicious food. What more could you want? Of course we had to put up with a larger, louder wedding across the way - I was fascinated to learn that Junior Kekuewa Junior is NOT an emphysematic geezer with a termite-eaten ukulele, as he sounds to be with the Wake-Up Crew, but a charismatic emcee and talented musician. Who knew. But speaking of emcees, we have the perfect one in mind - one of S.'s friends - except he hasn't asked her yet. We also haven't tackled music, flowers, or menu. Our "all in good time" attitude is slowly falling away as we start to realize - there is less and less good time available. Eep ...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
dressy dress dress
Very simple, definitely re-wearable, long enough for the church (although I hope they don't have a problem with the decolletage), and dress-upable with flowers, necklaces and the right hairdo. The only shade of red it comes in is "lipstick" red, a fire-engine screaming shade that I'd rather not deal with. So, I changed my color to this "violet rose" shade and and I think we are good to go with dresses.Yay!
Now for the guys. That's gonna be a pain.
Monday, July 14, 2008
It seemed like an update was in order, although nothing much is going on. Actually, I did get that church thing straightened out ("Oh, we thought you were a new couple, sorry") and I did buy some ridiculously cheap invitations that I just love. People keep trying to shush me when I tell them where I bought them from and for how much (Wal*Mart, $20 for a pack of 50 invites, including RSVP cards w/envelopes.) Just like they shush me when I explain that my beautiful orange leather handbag is faux Tod's. ("You don't have to tell!" they exclaim. "Just let people think it's real!" ... Yeah, I guess I could do that. But for this Chinese girl there is more glory in getting an excellent-quality replica for $80 USD than there is in pretending my bag is real.)
Of course the invitations need to be prettied up - little bows or tiny rhinestones, something that will add a little color, a whisper of bling. OH and I saw a teal dress the other day that made me seriously rethink my colors (claret and pink). Too bad teal is not Valentiney. If I gave up my Valentine theme, I might as well have given up my date in favor of getting the first-choice church. (We are not getting married on Valentine's DAY, FYI. I am not narcissistic enough to make 400 people gaze at a 3-tier cake and a slideshow of us on a day they'd rather be gazing into each others' eyes.)
Well, that's about it. I need to go dress shopping for my 'maids, shirt shopping for his dudes, and start buckling down on our menu. The Hilton has some fabulous menus that are seafood-heavy, but reckoning with shellfish allergies is taking all the fun out of those. Looks like almost every dish is going to feature ... chicken.
I really loved Marjorie Williams' essay, "Reader, I Married" in which she explains how she and her husband, Tim, arrived at their wedding choices. For the food, they simply ordered only foods they liked. This is not to say they didn't take elderly guests' shellfish allergies into consideration, just that the non-shellfishy dishes were required to be dishes that the couple enjoyed. Good rule of thumb. I wonder if it's too diva to lay down one rule: NO MUSHROOMS on our menu. Would it not be grand to have the first Chinese meal (of bazillions I'm sure) of our marriage one that I don't have to sift and pick through?
Hm. Thinkies.
Of course the invitations need to be prettied up - little bows or tiny rhinestones, something that will add a little color, a whisper of bling. OH and I saw a teal dress the other day that made me seriously rethink my colors (claret and pink). Too bad teal is not Valentiney. If I gave up my Valentine theme, I might as well have given up my date in favor of getting the first-choice church. (We are not getting married on Valentine's DAY, FYI. I am not narcissistic enough to make 400 people gaze at a 3-tier cake and a slideshow of us on a day they'd rather be gazing into each others' eyes.)
Well, that's about it. I need to go dress shopping for my 'maids, shirt shopping for his dudes, and start buckling down on our menu. The Hilton has some fabulous menus that are seafood-heavy, but reckoning with shellfish allergies is taking all the fun out of those. Looks like almost every dish is going to feature ... chicken.
I really loved Marjorie Williams' essay, "Reader, I Married" in which she explains how she and her husband, Tim, arrived at their wedding choices. For the food, they simply ordered only foods they liked. This is not to say they didn't take elderly guests' shellfish allergies into consideration, just that the non-shellfishy dishes were required to be dishes that the couple enjoyed. Good rule of thumb. I wonder if it's too diva to lay down one rule: NO MUSHROOMS on our menu. Would it not be grand to have the first Chinese meal (of bazillions I'm sure) of our marriage one that I don't have to sift and pick through?
Hm. Thinkies.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
what the where?
So, remember when the church messed up but then made good when they gave me the other location? Today I got an e-mail that said, Sorry, but we cannot hold your wedding on your chosen date. It is the weekend of Punahou Carnival.
Am I the only one with the eerie sensation that we are moving backwards through time? Scott and I should just have a backyard wedding, a barbecue reception, and a honeymoon on the North Shore already. Note to those planning on getting married: If you can at all budget for it, hire a coordinator who will deal with this kind of crap so you don't have to.
Am I the only one with the eerie sensation that we are moving backwards through time? Scott and I should just have a backyard wedding, a barbecue reception, and a honeymoon on the North Shore already. Note to those planning on getting married: If you can at all budget for it, hire a coordinator who will deal with this kind of crap so you don't have to.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
my most productive wedding planning day yet!
<-- Wedding planning makes us sleepy.Woke up one morning after getting back from Cali and thought to myself, I really should have my dress picked out and ordered by now. I sort of had it picked out - as in, I had gone in to about seven bridal shops, fallen in love with every single dress I tried on (around 20 in total), but had been keenest on Princess Brides' large selection of rentable dresses, one very modern Maggie Sottero in particular. I filled out their bridal profile after finding myself in love with "my Maggie."
I wore it, I loved it, I gushed about it and wheedled the proprietor into letting me take a picture of it so that I could show everyone (except Scott) what it looked like. I did have a backup, but only because everyone insisted on it. I figured - I'm pretty low-maint. Even if later on it doesn't seem to be my dream dress, well, I never was a Barbie girl. I'd deal.
So today when I went in to seal the deal with my Maggie, I tried on the backup first, just to get it out of the way. On the rack, it looked hideous (but then, it's my opinion that almost all wedding gowns look hideous on the rack) - too ivory, too much bling, too long a train. But on it went, and when I stepped into the light, it was a completely different story. You totally know where this is going - I tried on the dream dress and of course it looked like a sackcloth, and in the end, I put the down payment on my backup and walked out wondering what I'd been thinking, wanting to wear that other one. I still think it's beautiful, it just can't hold a candle, shape-wise, to the so-called "backup."
Hopefully the situation won't reverse itself when I go into my first fitting - I will not, I hope, look longingly at my Maggie and regret the decision I made. I seriously doubt it, though. I don't know if you're supposed to say this about a wedding gown, but my dress is HOT.
No pics. That's how sure I am!
And now for the hairy detail$. My 50 percent down payment is, are you comfortably seated, $635 and change. That is a down payment on a rental. The total cost is just shy (not shy enough for most, I suspect) of the cost of the dress. I had serious second thoughts about putting down this much money for something I would not be able to keep. But then I added up the inclusions: Use of a $400 Swarovsky-embellished veil, shoes, jewelry, tiara, cleaning, all alterations. I will likely use my own jewelry, jury's still out on the headpiece (I think I'm over tiaras), and heaven knows I'd have no problem budgeting for a pair of shoes both wedding-lovely and, ahem, addable to my permanent collection, but the veil and alterations alone sealed the deal for me. Who knew veils were so freakin' expensive? I wanted to be a renegade and not have one but after a vendor at a Bridal Expo placed one on my head "just to see," I have to admit I can see the appeal. (But I will not be wearing it over my face, sorry.)
The $1270 includes all my accessories, plus a free tux rental (so any hopes Scott might have been harboring of not wearing a tux are officially dashed - we are USING all the FREE STUFF we can possibly get out of this deal, and besides, when am I ever again going to see him in one? I've never even seen him in a tie!), plus I will never again have to worry about the dress. Won't have to clean it, preserve it, store it, fret over the fact that no one will ever want it. Well, maybe I will want it, but too bad. I have a closet full of dresses that I love, which will hopefully be enough consolation when it is time to give this one back.
In addition to the dressy-dress, we unlocked a lot of Church roadblocks. Bless my mom, who marched down to the church in person to find out what all the hullaballoo was about. (Phone system on the fritz, looks like.) I finally got to speak to one of the Important Coordinators on the phone, and she was really nice, which helps so much when you're doing things like scheduling the million and one appointments we have to schedule. Yipe.
Also started looking into the Hawaii Catholic Engaged Encounter (a requirement for marriage in the Diocese of Honolulu) and realized - I am totally looking forward to this. Scott blanched at hearing we need to spend 44 hours locked down in a private facility to do pretty much nothing but talk to each other - but this weekend encounter is all kinds of perfect for me, as I love talking, learning about him, and reflecting on questions like these.
AND! Started on the invitations (I finally learned how to spell my fiance's middle name!) and, at Scott's urging, started looking around on bestbridalprices.com for prices that won't make us want to slit our wrists (or get married by a justice of the peace with our bridal party in jeans and t-shirts).
Keep ya posted.
Friday, June 20, 2008
that's why i love him
This morning's mail call:
"Forget about spending $ on a dress when you can do it on the cheap! We already got the supplies from Sam's Club the other day!
http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080620/BREAKING01/80620017
Love,
Your Pake Husband-to-Be"
"Forget about spending $ on a dress when you can do it on the cheap! We already got the supplies from Sam's Club the other day!
http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080620/BREAKING01/80620017
Love,
Your Pake Husband-to-Be"
Saturday, June 14, 2008
notes to self
Gathering ideas as I make my way through Vegas and LA (one of them being, why didn't we do a Vegas theme?) ... just jotting a few notes so I don't forget to look into things when I get back ...
Ch. cartons
Clear labels
Seal-n-send
Small ribbons
Engagement portrait, large (call Bullet)
Save-the-dates (call Bullet)
Thank-yous
FLOWERS
Ch. cartons
Clear labels
Seal-n-send
Small ribbons
Engagement portrait, large (call Bullet)
Save-the-dates (call Bullet)
Thank-yous
FLOWERS
Sunday, June 8, 2008
woe / whoa
So much to do. Groggy from yesterday - graduation (from which we didn't return till midnight), preceded by a three-hour lunch with some of Scott's friends. They got married last November, and the wife is an organizational pro. We looked at favors (on a home-cooked assembly line, each of these babies has about seven stops), invitations (five stops on the assembly line), seating charts and check-in sheets (if there's one thing I do not EXCEL at, it's EXCEL) ... etc. We are equipped (armed, even) with more ideas than we knew we needed.
Overload.
Going back to bed.
Overload.
Going back to bed.
Friday, May 23, 2008
here, too
I already posted this on Facebook, but am disgruntled enough to post it EVERYWHERE. So here ya go:
I've spent years hemming and hawing over whether to get a tattoo. Those years have also been spent discussing (mostly with my mother) the implications of bearing body art, arguing that tattoos do not go hand-in-hand with subversive lifestyles or personalities, do not indicate necessarily criminal mindsets, do not make a person bad.
I got as many piercings as I could without becoming my own personal definition of Way Too Freaky, but always shied from tattooing - despite really wanting at least one design - for several reasons: 1) I could not render with my own hand what I most wanted to display, 2) if I got a tattoo, I'd want it in a place I could see it, and was never in a very good position to be sporting visible ink, and 3) permanent change scared me.
Tuesday my friend and I went to 808 in Kaneohe, where I finally got drawn on - yay! It was a simple tattoo that I had thought of one day, nothing elaborate, and nothing I'd ever wanted before. It made me smile. So I brought in a font, Biz made a stencil, and I walked out of 808 with my fiance's name on the inside of my left ankle. I joked that I had just set the Women's Movement back about 50 years, but honestly, I loved it.
I didn't do this for anyone but myself - but I will say that I have been bothered by others' reactions. There have been several "cute!"s, several shocked silences, and more than a few "But why?"s. Those "why"s have been followed by the whole "What if your relationship doesn't work out?" ... which is so unbelievably rude all I can do is stare blankly at the person and sort of walk away, or shut the car door, or shake my head.
I could see cause for this "concern" if I were 18 and had been dating S for a couple of months - or even years - with no prospects for a future in sight. But in case Rude People didn't notice, when he asked me to marry him, I said "yes," which means I have firm plans for us to be together forever. I know that very few people these days enter marriage with actual eternity in mind, so call me Merrily Novel or whatever you will, and go back to living your own skeptical life.
By the way, when I announced my engagement, no one said, "But why? What if it doesn't work out?" Gee, maybe because that's a rude and generally horrible thing to say? I doubt they realize they're saying pretty much the same thing to me now. You know, if something happened and the marriage wasn't working out, a drawing on my ankle would be the very least of my concerns.
Tattoos are a lot like marriage. They require commitment; they should be well thought-out (never rushed into); they should be rendered/performed by someone who knows well what you want. You can undo a marriage or a tattoo, but it is an expensive and painful process. No one should go under the needle thinking "I can always undo this if I don't like it," just as no one should enter marriage thinking, "I can always leave him if it doesn't work out." You should be sure before you sit in the chair; you should be sure before you propose or accept. Tattoos, like marriage, are permanent change, which I no longer fear.
So if it will help Rude People to shut the f*ck up, and in case it wasn't patently clear when I agreed to this proposal to merge our lives that I am sure of Scott, and sure of myself, and sure of US, I am.
Thenk you veddy much.
I've spent years hemming and hawing over whether to get a tattoo. Those years have also been spent discussing (mostly with my mother) the implications of bearing body art, arguing that tattoos do not go hand-in-hand with subversive lifestyles or personalities, do not indicate necessarily criminal mindsets, do not make a person bad.
I got as many piercings as I could without becoming my own personal definition of Way Too Freaky, but always shied from tattooing - despite really wanting at least one design - for several reasons: 1) I could not render with my own hand what I most wanted to display, 2) if I got a tattoo, I'd want it in a place I could see it, and was never in a very good position to be sporting visible ink, and 3) permanent change scared me.
Tuesday my friend and I went to 808 in Kaneohe, where I finally got drawn on - yay! It was a simple tattoo that I had thought of one day, nothing elaborate, and nothing I'd ever wanted before. It made me smile. So I brought in a font, Biz made a stencil, and I walked out of 808 with my fiance's name on the inside of my left ankle. I joked that I had just set the Women's Movement back about 50 years, but honestly, I loved it.
I didn't do this for anyone but myself - but I will say that I have been bothered by others' reactions. There have been several "cute!"s, several shocked silences, and more than a few "But why?"s. Those "why"s have been followed by the whole "What if your relationship doesn't work out?" ... which is so unbelievably rude all I can do is stare blankly at the person and sort of walk away, or shut the car door, or shake my head.
I could see cause for this "concern" if I were 18 and had been dating S for a couple of months - or even years - with no prospects for a future in sight. But in case Rude People didn't notice, when he asked me to marry him, I said "yes," which means I have firm plans for us to be together forever. I know that very few people these days enter marriage with actual eternity in mind, so call me Merrily Novel or whatever you will, and go back to living your own skeptical life.
By the way, when I announced my engagement, no one said, "But why? What if it doesn't work out?" Gee, maybe because that's a rude and generally horrible thing to say? I doubt they realize they're saying pretty much the same thing to me now. You know, if something happened and the marriage wasn't working out, a drawing on my ankle would be the very least of my concerns.
Tattoos are a lot like marriage. They require commitment; they should be well thought-out (never rushed into); they should be rendered/performed by someone who knows well what you want. You can undo a marriage or a tattoo, but it is an expensive and painful process. No one should go under the needle thinking "I can always undo this if I don't like it," just as no one should enter marriage thinking, "I can always leave him if it doesn't work out." You should be sure before you sit in the chair; you should be sure before you propose or accept. Tattoos, like marriage, are permanent change, which I no longer fear.
So if it will help Rude People to shut the f*ck up, and in case it wasn't patently clear when I agreed to this proposal to merge our lives that I am sure of Scott, and sure of myself, and sure of US, I am.
Thenk you veddy much.
Monday, May 12, 2008
one down ...
First wedding of The Season! Here we are in our silver strappies. My foot is to the right of the bride's ... one of my favorite VS pairs ever. Love to Sheron, my amazing friend, who made my dress fit like a dream in the nick of time.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
partay
Crane folding party! I can only have one if nobody minds that I suck at folding and will leave the entire operation to them. I will serve food, however. That's a good exchange, right?
5 bridesmaids, 1 brother-slave, 1 sisky-in-law, 1 haole sister and me. Yie, can I fit 9 people in my house?
5 bridesmaids, 1 brother-slave, 1 sisky-in-law, 1 haole sister and me. Yie, can I fit 9 people in my house?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
decisions
While it wasn't quite as intoxicatingly fun as last time (something about a dull headache and no soda machine in sight), this time was more productive. I decided what I didn't want. I decided a few important things I did want. I narrowed it down to one vendor and two gowns. Price tag: $500 + tax. That's right, folkses ... I will be the proud non-owner of my dream wedding gown. Decision made.We went to two places, where I tried on a total of seven dresses. (Way off my game today. It was the headache.) I love Toy but it seems that every dress I pick out is something like $1200.00. So I went to Princess Brides and discovered that I could pick pretty much anything I wanted (and have it precisely altered) for $500.00 - which includes shoes, jewelry, and tiara. I might not actually use these extras - I am picky about shoe height (I know I have to be reasonable but still, I don't want to wear Dyeables), I definitely want to wear my own jewelry, and I think I'm over the whole tiara thing. But they are nice extras to have available. The $500 rental seems to be the best option. There is the whole giving it back thing, but I don't even have under-the-bed space - I can't fathom where I'd put a huge garment box. Yep, decision made.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
dress fund updates
Starting to re-entertain notions of renting. I mean, what AM I going to do with the thing after the fact? Take it out and play with it? Try to force it on my daughter?
Assuming I don't put my hand in the cookie jar prematurely, I'm now good to go on any of the dresses I saw, loved, and had to have torn off me because I wouldn't voluntarily get out of it.
Could I save a lot by renting? Honestly, not a lot - a $500 rental package is so very close to a $700 price tag - but I could save some, plus avoid the hassle of cleaning and storing it afterwards.
Still up in the air.
Assuming I don't put my hand in the cookie jar prematurely, I'm now good to go on any of the dresses I saw, loved, and had to have torn off me because I wouldn't voluntarily get out of it.
Could I save a lot by renting? Honestly, not a lot - a $500 rental package is so very close to a $700 price tag - but I could save some, plus avoid the hassle of cleaning and storing it afterwards.
Still up in the air.
Monday, April 21, 2008
weekendcap
Wedding Expo was good! There was actual FOOD. And cake samples galore. I changed my mind about hating cake - I sampled too many lovely red velvets and even a lighter-than-air strawberry shortcake, and I am sold, and the naysayers were right: there is no such thing as a wedding pie or a wedding flan. You win.
Thank God I have my photog already because those guys are pushier than the cake people and I truly cannot tell the difference between most of them.
Got my makeup done by a Paul Mitchell girl, which was lots of fun except for the walking out with two different eyes part. (Both eyes were beautiful, they just didn't match each other.)
Bon and I saw one of our grade school classmates, who looked very much like she wanted to die or run away from us. To stave off comments from the peanut gallery (Dan), let me say I was not a bully in grade school. Bit of a drama queen, mebbe, but not a bully. And wasn't seventh grade eighteen years ago?
TDL:
- Figure out what TIME to hold the ceremony. You would not believe the consternation this one simple detail has caused so far.
- Save-the-dates
- Bridesmaid dress / groomsman shirt browsing
So, my friend and bridesmaid Peahen (the one without the e-mail) is in town to solidify details for her own October wedding. Yay. Anything that will take my mind off my own!!
Thank God I have my photog already because those guys are pushier than the cake people and I truly cannot tell the difference between most of them.
Got my makeup done by a Paul Mitchell girl, which was lots of fun except for the walking out with two different eyes part. (Both eyes were beautiful, they just didn't match each other.)
Bon and I saw one of our grade school classmates, who looked very much like she wanted to die or run away from us. To stave off comments from the peanut gallery (Dan), let me say I was not a bully in grade school. Bit of a drama queen, mebbe, but not a bully. And wasn't seventh grade eighteen years ago?
TDL:
- Figure out what TIME to hold the ceremony. You would not believe the consternation this one simple detail has caused so far.
- Save-the-dates
- Bridesmaid dress / groomsman shirt browsing
So, my friend and bridesmaid Peahen (the one without the e-mail) is in town to solidify details for her own October wedding. Yay. Anything that will take my mind off my own!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
saturday
I found the real wedding dress of my dreams @ the trunk show after ACUW's 2008 fundraiser fashion show. It's beautiful, unreasonably red, and completely unaffordable. Ah well, at least I got to touch it.
I dragged Bonnie backstage where she encouraged me to try on a different dress, a $2400 wedding dress (no, thank you, what if I love it?), and we dorkily got our picture taken with Anne Namba (who is exceptionally cool for letting me photograph her clothes.)This is not the greatest picture of the dress - the room's poor lighting makes it look orange, when it's actually a true red. Don't worry, I know that only a China-Chinese or a truly ballsy, New Yorkified Chinese American could get away with so red a wedding dress. It's just for fun. Sniff.
Friday, April 11, 2008
are you for real?
The church thing seems to be resolved. We got "the other one." Which is good - it's the one I grew up attending, it's close to my mom's so it's convenient, etc.
And now (because a new problem must be presented the second the old one is out the door), S completely seriously wants to take 16 other people on our honeymoon. He thinks it will be fun*.
Can I have just, like, a month of peace where I don't have to fight anyone on stupid issues?
*A trip to Disneyland and Vegas with our families will be tremendously fun. Note I said A TRIP, not A HONEYMOON.
And now (because a new problem must be presented the second the old one is out the door), S completely seriously wants to take 16 other people on our honeymoon. He thinks it will be fun*.
Can I have just, like, a month of peace where I don't have to fight anyone on stupid issues?
*A trip to Disneyland and Vegas with our families will be tremendously fun. Note I said A TRIP, not A HONEYMOON.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
checkcheck
- Church
- Reception venue
- Photographer
- 5 bridesmaids.
Still-to-secure: the actual officiant, flowers, hair/makeup, all attire. And, I'm sure, two thousand and seventeen other things that have not yet even crossed my mind. Got one - flower girl. I think Mei Mei would be adorable but in February she'll be all of 2.5 years old. Maybe Sami.
Tagging along to Princess Brides with Niranda today. I need to learn her corset as well as get a better feel for gowns in general ... And do something about my gargantuan bridesmaid dress, so that her wedding doesn't turn into a three-ring circus courtesy of moi.
Note to self: S still needs to inform groomsmen. He's got 'em all picked out, he just hasn't mentioned it to any of them yet.
P.S. Got another one - invitations. Duh.
P.P.S. Rings! Rings would be nice.
Friday, March 21, 2008
cinque
'Tis official, I have 5 bridesmaids. S now has to go think on this, for his side, and then we have to order our people and start thinking about dresses and such.
"I swear I have no more friends," I told him. I think he said, "Hmph."
It's pretty funny to think about what our lineup's going to look like. Our friends are so very different. Not only are the girls different (personality-wise) from the guys, the girls and guys are different from each other.
I forgot to mention in my ducks entry that we also have our PHOTOG lined up. Thank God. And the other thing we have to do is pick engagement photos for the save-the-dates and whatnot.
"I swear I have no more friends," I told him. I think he said, "Hmph."
It's pretty funny to think about what our lineup's going to look like. Our friends are so very different. Not only are the girls different (personality-wise) from the guys, the girls and guys are different from each other.
I forgot to mention in my ducks entry that we also have our PHOTOG lined up. Thank God. And the other thing we have to do is pick engagement photos for the save-the-dates and whatnot.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
ducks
Slowly lining them up. So far secured: the church, the reception site, and four of my bridesmaids (my two best friends from high school, my current coworker, and my former coworker/current retail therapist/dogsitter/fellow Manoan). I would like to ask my grad school friend, but that would make it FIVE GIRLS, yikes. YIKES.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
wedding expo
I'm actually more excited about the upcoming Pet Expo (though I can't find any information on when it might be) but this year's Bridal Expo is coming up on April 18-19.
At least at the Pet Expo you get a ton of free stuff and cheap dog treats. At the Bridal Expo, all you get in return for braving the crushing crowds is a bunch of glossy pamphlets and some stale cake samples, and that's a maybe on the cake. Maybe Scott's 6-foot-tall ex will be in the fashion show; at least then it will be worth my time. (Did I mention her presence at some Superbowl party was the only reason I considered going? ... and ended up not going, that is how deeply my disdain for football runs.)
At least at the Pet Expo you get a ton of free stuff and cheap dog treats. At the Bridal Expo, all you get in return for braving the crushing crowds is a bunch of glossy pamphlets and some stale cake samples, and that's a maybe on the cake. Maybe Scott's 6-foot-tall ex will be in the fashion show; at least then it will be worth my time. (Did I mention her presence at some Superbowl party was the only reason I considered going? ... and ended up not going, that is how deeply my disdain for football runs.)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The church is on board. We still need to mail the deposit but everyone's got us on their calendars so I guess there's a wedding on the horizon. (I know I keep saying that ... but I really have needed everything locked down before believing that our date is our date.) Speaking of "our date," when Hilton locked us in, I told my friend Talia, "I have a date! Yay!" and she just blinked at me, totally scandalized by the idea that I had a date. As in, a hot hot Saturday coming up.
Haha.
No, V, that conversation was real. (Please, please tell me you really said yes.)
Haha.
No, V, that conversation was real. (Please, please tell me you really said yes.)
Monday, February 18, 2008
We have entered the 12-month zone. You know, where all the wedding mags and sites say you MUST begin serious preparation. Eaka freaka. Anyway, the hotel's got us down (pending the DP) but the church has yet to get on board, date-wise. I say we just get married without 'em but that would leave Scott marrying a corpse because my mom would kill me. Hehe.
So.
There are a thousand other things I should be thinking of but of course now I want to think about my dress. I scraped all the salt off my argument for the one(s) I love, and now it's time to shop again. Of course there are also bridesmaid dresses to consider. I love quirky and color - I want them in a valentiney stagger - but that might be met with some opposition. Not from them, but from Mr. Those Shoes Don't Match That Outfit.
Just kidding, honey.
Already budgeting out the 20th's paycheck. I em sed. We haven't even begun saving - I'm struggling just to clear my CC balances and meet my monthly mortgage payment. We have the Hilton deposit and the church deposit to reckon with, and then it should be quiet until we start putting big ticket items on our credit cards - bridal party attire, stationery, flowers, etc.
So.
There are a thousand other things I should be thinking of but of course now I want to think about my dress. I scraped all the salt off my argument for the one(s) I love, and now it's time to shop again. Of course there are also bridesmaid dresses to consider. I love quirky and color - I want them in a valentiney stagger - but that might be met with some opposition. Not from them, but from Mr. Those Shoes Don't Match That Outfit.
Just kidding, honey.
Already budgeting out the 20th's paycheck. I em sed. We haven't even begun saving - I'm struggling just to clear my CC balances and meet my monthly mortgage payment. We have the Hilton deposit and the church deposit to reckon with, and then it should be quiet until we start putting big ticket items on our credit cards - bridal party attire, stationery, flowers, etc.
Monday, February 11, 2008
naptime at my desk
Eating in (leftovers upon leftovers) hasn't killed us yet.
Constant reminders that we have no money because my ring cost more than all the tea in China haven't killed me yet.
And ... we haven't killed each other yet.
So it seems we shall survive till next February.
Gotta go heat up some leftovers and work on my latest column.
Constant reminders that we have no money because my ring cost more than all the tea in China haven't killed me yet.
And ... we haven't killed each other yet.
So it seems we shall survive till next February.
Gotta go heat up some leftovers and work on my latest column.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
first of all
Gaaaaaah. Note how many PAGES there are. And then note all the things we are NOT allowed to do.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
febseven
We're for real getting married; we finally have a date. I'm a little worried about where these copious amounts of money are suddenly going to spring from, but at least it's all a little more real now.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
come ON
It's the last day of the month. The hotel did not call me back "around the end of January" as previously promised. There is the slim chance that she'll call today, but in the meantime, my other browser window is open to the website of the "hotel down the road" and it's looking ... well, a lot cheaper and friendlier. Less swanky, sure, and very un-Chinese (my dad might have a gigantic cow) but who doesn't want to get this show on the road, already? I don't care if we eat lobster curry or beef wellington or cheeseburgers that night, I just want to marry my fiance.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
one decision down, two billion to go
I made a decision: I'm going to choose and buy my dress alone. When I go in focused and ready to actually pick the dress, I'm not taking any of my friends. It was so fun to go with Bonnie that day - I felt like the princess that I will never really be. If you know me, and if you know how empowered I felt after reading Marjorie Williams' essay on princesshood, you'll know that it's not a bad thing not to wear a crown - but there are moments in the life of a grown-up tomboy that feeling like a princess is like feeding candy to your soul.
But after having several lukewarm (and over-the-shoulder, if anything) discussions with Scott about the gown I love and 1) hearing him say that it would call too much attention to me (<-- art major + pragmatic personality = scott) and 2) never hearing him say that I would look beautiful no matter what I wore, I realized that he should never have had a say in the first place, because the wedding gown, as I see it, is the one thing on that day that belongs only to me.
Either he has been gently trying to tell me to stop bothering him with these details, as he doesn't give a fig what I wear, or he really thinks it's an overly outlandish dress, or he really thinks nothing should call attention to me that day. But the point is that this is the one thing about our wedding that is not about him. Everything else - the ceremony of it all - is ours. Joined, shared, ours. These pre-wedding decisions - place, time, people? He has as much say as I do. But that dress? That dress is not what I give to him - I give him me. The dress only adorns me.
The dress will be a valentine to myself, an important one - the outfit in which I deliver myself to a shared life, but that also declares that I will always and forever belong to me. It may not be the red dress I've dreamed of, but I've decided that as I prepare my heart for Scott, I'm getting dressed for me alone.
So I have put aside notions of renting the dress, and I've put aside notions of a wild splurge. Because it has to belong to me and no one else, and because I have to pay for it myself, no credit. So, I have no idea what I'll come up with. I only know it'll be something special.
But after having several lukewarm (and over-the-shoulder, if anything) discussions with Scott about the gown I love and 1) hearing him say that it would call too much attention to me (<-- art major + pragmatic personality = scott) and 2) never hearing him say that I would look beautiful no matter what I wore, I realized that he should never have had a say in the first place, because the wedding gown, as I see it, is the one thing on that day that belongs only to me.
Either he has been gently trying to tell me to stop bothering him with these details, as he doesn't give a fig what I wear, or he really thinks it's an overly outlandish dress, or he really thinks nothing should call attention to me that day. But the point is that this is the one thing about our wedding that is not about him. Everything else - the ceremony of it all - is ours. Joined, shared, ours. These pre-wedding decisions - place, time, people? He has as much say as I do. But that dress? That dress is not what I give to him - I give him me. The dress only adorns me.
The dress will be a valentine to myself, an important one - the outfit in which I deliver myself to a shared life, but that also declares that I will always and forever belong to me. It may not be the red dress I've dreamed of, but I've decided that as I prepare my heart for Scott, I'm getting dressed for me alone.
So I have put aside notions of renting the dress, and I've put aside notions of a wild splurge. Because it has to belong to me and no one else, and because I have to pay for it myself, no credit. So, I have no idea what I'll come up with. I only know it'll be something special.
Monday, January 14, 2008
engagement photos
B knows what he's doing. Even though they are raw and I look tubby and some police tape needs to be photoshopped out, I am happy happy HAPPY with the pics. Yay for Bullet!
We had a good time. Well, I did. S was in a terrible mood just before the shoot and since I absorb terrible moods like Bounty absorbs water, I just sort of stayed away from him till we reached our location. But B had us laughing in no time (not to mention catching me up on a year's worth of pageant gossip) and the pics (what I've seen of them) are nice!
More to come.
We had a good time. Well, I did. S was in a terrible mood just before the shoot and since I absorb terrible moods like Bounty absorbs water, I just sort of stayed away from him till we reached our location. But B had us laughing in no time (not to mention catching me up on a year's worth of pageant gossip) and the pics (what I've seen of them) are nice!
More to come.
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