come ON

It's the last day of the month. The hotel did not call me back "around the end of January" as previously promised. There is the slim chance that she'll call today, but in the meantime, my other browser window is open to the website of the "hotel down the road" and it's looking ... well, a lot cheaper and friendlier. Less swanky, sure, and very un-Chinese (my dad might have a gigantic cow) but who doesn't want to get this show on the road, already? I don't care if we eat lobster curry or beef wellington or cheeseburgers that night, I just want to marry my fiance.

one decision down, two billion to go

I made a decision: I'm going to choose and buy my dress alone. When I go in focused and ready to actually pick the dress, I'm not taking any of my friends. It was so fun to go with Bonnie that day - I felt like the princess that I will never really be. If you know me, and if you know how empowered I felt after reading Marjorie Williams' essay on princesshood, you'll know that it's not a bad thing not to wear a crown - but there are moments in the life of a grown-up tomboy that feeling like a princess is like feeding candy to your soul.

But after having several lukewarm (and over-the-shoulder, if anything) discussions with Scott about the gown I love and 1) hearing him say that it would call too much attention to me (<-- art major + pragmatic personality = scott) and 2) never hearing him say that I would look beautiful no matter what I wore, I realized that he should never have had a say in the first place, because the wedding gown, as I see it, is the one thing on that day that belongs only to me.

Either he has been gently trying to tell me to stop bothering him with these details, as he doesn't give a fig what I wear, or he really thinks it's an overly outlandish dress, or he really thinks nothing should call attention to me that day. But the point is that this is the one thing about our wedding that is not about him. Everything else - the ceremony of it all - is ours. Joined, shared, ours. These pre-wedding decisions - place, time, people? He has as much say as I do. But that dress? That dress is not what I give to him - I give him me. The dress only adorns me.

The dress will be a valentine to myself, an important one - the outfit in which I deliver myself to a shared life, but that also declares that I will always and forever belong to me. It may not be the red dress I've dreamed of, but I've decided that as I prepare my heart for Scott, I'm getting dressed for me alone.

So I have put aside notions of renting the dress, and I've put aside notions of a wild splurge. Because it has to belong to me and no one else, and because I have to pay for it myself, no credit. So, I have no idea what I'll come up with. I only know it'll be something special.

engagement photos

B knows what he's doing. Even though they are raw and I look tubby and some police tape needs to be photoshopped out, I am happy happy HAPPY with the pics. Yay for Bullet!

We had a good time. Well, I did. S was in a terrible mood just before the shoot and since I absorb terrible moods like Bounty absorbs water, I just sort of stayed away from him till we reached our location. But B had us laughing in no time (not to mention catching me up on a year's worth of pageant gossip) and the pics (what I've seen of them) are nice!

More to come.

So many wedding shows on WE. What does WE stand for anyway? I could google it, but I'm too lazy to alt-tab google.com. Tired.

Maybe when I'm less tired I'll go to theknot.com and build my fantasy wedding. I've heard that's a good thing to do - construct the wedding of your dreams, then implement your budget, hacking and slashing till you've got something realistic. It is probable that you will retain at least some elements of your pie-in-the sky wedding.

ps the problem with a lot of wedding attire sites is that they don't list the prices. stupid.

sigh

Dress shopping was ... intoxicating. The more gowns I tried on, the drunker I got.



Also tried on some awesome ones at a different place that wouldn't allow pictures.

And what's this nonsense I was spewing about not needing a veil? I loved the veil. What I did not love about the veil was its price. What is up with $200 for a piece of tulle? Nvm, jury's still out on the veil.

Advice for wedding dress browsers:

- Wear an outfit that doesn't require a bra so when trying on backless stuff, no bra lines.
- Makeup. Good boutique lighting can only do so much.
- Everything looks schmaltzy in its vinyl cocoon. Let them take it out of the bag.
- Call ahead and ask if you'll be allowed to photograph yourself in the dresses you try on. You might want to skip the ones who say no, at least early on.

oh, em gee

I am going dress shopping in an hour! I hope this doesn't happen.