fun with a gun

... Scanner gun, that is. We finally did our Macy's registry. Eek and EGADS. It only took a couple of hours but by the time we were done, I was ready to drop. And we only put 57 items on our list (the registry guide suggests ___ for the size of our party, and given the size of our Macys we would have had to register for every item on the floor). I should preface the rest of this post by saying that I always thought bridal registries were unforgivably tacky ("Please buy us stuff" being the bottom line of this modern marvel) but my sensibilities have been outnumbered.

At first we were at a total loss as far as what to scan. We have pretty much everything we need (and frankly everything we can stuff into my apartment) already. Towels, linens, appliances, cookware and utensils, flatware and dishes, you name it, we've got it, plus twelve billion other things we don't really need but own anyway. Minus this really cool garlic basher-smasher thing my SILTB and her husband have, that Macy's did not carry anyway.

A little side note: I just looked up "brother-in-law" and found that there are two readily accepted definitions, and neither of them is my SILTB's husband. But since the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (3rd ed.) accepts that, and since "my husband's brother-in-law" sounds cold and retarded to boot, I'm going with "my BILTB."

So we went from, "We don't really need anything" to "Let's get this cutting board in the shape of a pig!" and "How about this cupcake carrier?" (Admittedly, those were my picks, and I have to say S. was way nicer to me than I thought he would be. Eventually he picked up on a lovely phrase: "Is that what you want?" He even, at one point, wordlessly shouldered my purse. I love him!)

We'd say something like, "Let's skip towels. We have towels," but find ourselves not two minutes later fingering lavender Egyptian cotton and saying, "How many, you think? Four?" Scott got really excited about knives, and I got excited about Corningware. We wandered around cookery forever, scanning Cuisinarts, Calphalons, Marthas and All-Clads. The whole process, which was fun for about 45 minutes, was just so exhausting when all was said and done. The only thing we firmly said we wouldn't bother with, and did not bother with, was cutlery. Because when it comes to forks, this Philistine couple seriously can't tell the difference between WalMart and Wedgwood.

Annnnyway, 'twas quite an adventure. Slightly shell-shocked and completely tired out, we headed to The Wedding Cafe at Ward Warehouse to have lunch (chicken walnut sammy for me; turkey for him; Caesar salad) and flip halfheartedly through some photo albums. If we hadn't had a BOGO coupon for TWC, I would have been just as happy in a drive-thru.

What's next?

pressure? no?

So, we survived our first meeting with Fr. Gordy.

I'm so used to seeing him in his church robes that I completely walked past him sitting in the office shooting the breeze in an aloha shirt and baseball cap.

A short list of things accomplished: basic intros and some paperwork; the dispensation we need because S. is not Catholic; short individual interviews (he actually sent each of us out of the room as he spoke to the other - and this was the scariest part). We also nailed down the time of our ceremony (HURRAY!!!!!) so now we can print INVITATIONS!!!! I was kind of stressing out about that - but then my Peahen's wedding is in October and she hasn't sent hers out yet, so.

(I know. That's got nothing to do with me, but still, I take a strange comfort in other people's procrastination.)

I had to fill out a questionnaire that asked in a couple of places if I was being coerced into marriage or doing it for some unsavory benefit (green card, swanky house, etc.), which of course I denied.

"So, you're in this for you, not because you're being pressured, right?"

"Yep," I said.

"Good," Fr. Gordy replied. "By the way, how old are you?"

"Just turned 30."

"Yeah, it's about time you got married."

(He totally said this, and he was totally serious. LOVE IT.)

We also touched on (merely brushed, actually) the whole sticky kids subject. Being a Catholic priest, of course he needs to say that having kids is one of the major reasons Catholics get married (at least they've come out of the dark ages and stopped saying it is the reason). I had to check off something that basically said yes, I acknowledged this. But when he orally reviewed my responses, he said mildly, "So, you're open to having kids?"

"We've talked about it," I said. (I didn't say: "If I am seriously considering having kids, shouldn't he, to be fair, seriously consider not having them?") And he let it go at that, which was great. Also, when he brought up raising our future kids Catholic and I breezily said "yes," he looked so taken aback at the ease of my answer that I wondered if I should have given him a harder time, maybe lay down some terms and conditions. It was almost as if he was used to couples putting up more of a fight.

Over dinner, S said that he would told Fr. Gordy (had the question been directed to him) that he would let the kids decide.

Um. (And we did talk about these things, so it's not like I'm venting feelings that S does not know I have.) I don't agree with that. I don't think you can force religion on an adult, but I do think it's a parent's responsibility to bring their children up in and teach them about the faith they hold. Once they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, then they can make decisions that we should support (provided they don't want to join a cult or become Satan worshippers, as I could really not get behind that.) Most Catholics are confirmed at about 14 - 16 but this age range is mostly due to pressure from parents. I think our kids should be baptized into the Catholic church but should make the confirmation decision on their own, which is really what the sacrament is intended to be - an acknowledgement that your parents chose your Catholic faith when you were too young to choose anything, and the embracing of the faith as your own, now that you are an adult.

But kids are light years (or at least years) away, so I'm not going to get all worked up about this now. That's what this weekend is for! :) This weekend is ... well, I don't want to say shot, because I really am looking forward to it. Engaged Encounter. The only person who doesn't snicker when I talk about this is my matron of honor, who herself went through it four years ago. She reports that she and her (non-Catholic) now-husband just loved it. I hope we do, too.

And that's my monthly update. Now that the ball is really rolling, though, they might become more frequent ...

the have (dones) and have not (dones)

Venues - check. The church and hotel are rock-solid. Attire is 2/3 done. Hair and makeup, check. Photo and video, good to go. We're 80 percent sure of our favors, but still need to think about centerpieces. S. has more elaborate preferences for that than I do. I need to attend a Bridal Expo daily, or something, to keep my motivation to plan afloat. Especially after attending the beautiful ceremony and reception that we did tonight. So simple - I think 30 people - on the beach, and then to dinner at the Willows. A long table, tropical flowers, great company, and delicious food. What more could you want? Of course we had to put up with a larger, louder wedding across the way - I was fascinated to learn that Junior Kekuewa Junior is NOT an emphysematic geezer with a termite-eaten ukulele, as he sounds to be with the Wake-Up Crew, but a charismatic emcee and talented musician. Who knew. But speaking of emcees, we have the perfect one in mind - one of S.'s friends - except he hasn't asked her yet. We also haven't tackled music, flowers, or menu. Our "all in good time" attitude is slowly falling away as we start to realize - there is less and less good time available. Eep ...

dressy dress dress

Very simple, definitely re-wearable, long enough for the church (although I hope they don't have a problem with the decolletage), and dress-upable with flowers, necklaces and the right hairdo. The only shade of red it comes in is "lipstick" red, a fire-engine screaming shade that I'd rather not deal with. So, I changed my color to this "violet rose" shade and and I think we are good to go with dresses.

Yay!

Now for the guys. That's gonna be a pain.

It seemed like an update was in order, although nothing much is going on. Actually, I did get that church thing straightened out ("Oh, we thought you were a new couple, sorry") and I did buy some ridiculously cheap invitations that I just love. People keep trying to shush me when I tell them where I bought them from and for how much (Wal*Mart, $20 for a pack of 50 invites, including RSVP cards w/envelopes.) Just like they shush me when I explain that my beautiful orange leather handbag is faux Tod's. ("You don't have to tell!" they exclaim. "Just let people think it's real!" ... Yeah, I guess I could do that. But for this Chinese girl there is more glory in getting an excellent-quality replica for $80 USD than there is in pretending my bag is real.)

Of course the invitations need to be prettied up - little bows or tiny rhinestones, something that will add a little color, a whisper of bling. OH and I saw a teal dress the other day that made me seriously rethink my colors (claret and pink). Too bad teal is not Valentiney. If I gave up my Valentine theme, I might as well have given up my date in favor of getting the first-choice church. (We are not getting married on Valentine's DAY, FYI. I am not narcissistic enough to make 400 people gaze at a 3-tier cake and a slideshow of us on a day they'd rather be gazing into each others' eyes.)

Well, that's about it. I need to go dress shopping for my 'maids, shirt shopping for his dudes, and start buckling down on our menu. The Hilton has some fabulous menus that are seafood-heavy, but reckoning with shellfish allergies is taking all the fun out of those. Looks like almost every dish is going to feature ... chicken.

I really loved Marjorie Williams' essay, "Reader, I Married" in which she explains how she and her husband, Tim, arrived at their wedding choices. For the food, they simply ordered only foods they liked. This is not to say they didn't take elderly guests' shellfish allergies into consideration, just that the non-shellfishy dishes were required to be dishes that the couple enjoyed. Good rule of thumb. I wonder if it's too diva to lay down one rule: NO MUSHROOMS on our menu. Would it not be grand to have the first Chinese meal (of bazillions I'm sure) of our marriage one that I don't have to sift and pick through?

Hm. Thinkies.

what the where?

So, remember when the church messed up but then made good when they gave me the other location? Today I got an e-mail that said, Sorry, but we cannot hold your wedding on your chosen date. It is the weekend of Punahou Carnival.

Am I the only one with the eerie sensation that we are moving backwards through time? Scott and I should just have a backyard wedding, a barbecue reception, and a honeymoon on the North Shore already. Note to those planning on getting married: If you can at all budget for it, hire a coordinator who will deal with this kind of crap so you don't have to.