here, too

I already posted this on Facebook, but am disgruntled enough to post it EVERYWHERE. So here ya go:

I've spent years hemming and hawing over whether to get a tattoo. Those years have also been spent discussing (mostly with my mother) the implications of bearing body art, arguing that tattoos do not go hand-in-hand with subversive lifestyles or personalities, do not indicate necessarily criminal mindsets, do not make a person bad.

I got as many piercings as I could without becoming my own personal definition of Way Too Freaky, but always shied from tattooing - despite really wanting at least one design - for several reasons: 1) I could not render with my own hand what I most wanted to display, 2) if I got a tattoo, I'd want it in a place I could see it, and was never in a very good position to be sporting visible ink, and 3) permanent change scared me.

Tuesday my friend and I went to 808 in Kaneohe, where I finally got drawn on - yay! It was a simple tattoo that I had thought of one day, nothing elaborate, and nothing I'd ever wanted before. It made me smile. So I brought in a font, Biz made a stencil, and I walked out of 808 with my fiance's name on the inside of my left ankle. I joked that I had just set the Women's Movement back about 50 years, but honestly, I loved it.

I didn't do this for anyone but myself - but I will say that I have been bothered by others' reactions. There have been several "cute!"s, several shocked silences, and more than a few "But why?"s. Those "why"s have been followed by the whole "What if your relationship doesn't work out?" ... which is so unbelievably rude all I can do is stare blankly at the person and sort of walk away, or shut the car door, or shake my head.

I could see cause for this "concern" if I were 18 and had been dating S for a couple of months - or even years - with no prospects for a future in sight. But in case Rude People didn't notice, when he asked me to marry him, I said "yes," which means I have firm plans for us to be together forever. I know that very few people these days enter marriage with actual eternity in mind, so call me Merrily Novel or whatever you will, and go back to living your own skeptical life.

By the way, when I announced my engagement, no one said, "But why? What if it doesn't work out?" Gee, maybe because that's a rude and generally horrible thing to say? I doubt they realize they're saying pretty much the same thing to me now. You know, if something happened and the marriage wasn't working out, a drawing on my ankle would be the very least of my concerns.

Tattoos are a lot like marriage. They require commitment; they should be well thought-out (never rushed into); they should be rendered/performed by someone who knows well what you want. You can undo a marriage or a tattoo, but it is an expensive and painful process. No one should go under the needle thinking "I can always undo this if I don't like it," just as no one should enter marriage thinking, "I can always leave him if it doesn't work out." You should be sure before you sit in the chair; you should be sure before you propose or accept. Tattoos, like marriage, are permanent change, which I no longer fear.

So if it will help Rude People to shut the f*ck up, and in case it wasn't patently clear when I agreed to this proposal to merge our lives that I am sure of Scott, and sure of myself, and sure of US, I am.

Thenk you veddy much.

one down ...

First wedding of The Season! Here we are in our silver strappies. My foot is to the right of the bride's ... one of my favorite VS pairs ever. Love to Sheron, my amazing friend, who made my dress fit like a dream in the nick of time.

partay

Crane folding party! I can only have one if nobody minds that I suck at folding and will leave the entire operation to them. I will serve food, however. That's a good exchange, right?

5 bridesmaids, 1 brother-slave, 1 sisky-in-law, 1 haole sister and me. Yie, can I fit 9 people in my house?