Doing the numbers the other night, disheartening as the (hypothetical) figures were, made me feel better. I guess it's because numbers keep everything real and grounded, not pie-in-the-sky. Yes, it'll be difficult, but it's for a purpose (thanks Dan).

Purpose: to kill everyone by walking down the aisle in THIS! ... just kidding. Although it is gorgeous:

I dreamed last night that my baby turned into a great big meanie. Not a smack-his-bitch-up meanie, but a total uncaring clod. ODD DREAM.

P.S. Stupid Target.com won't ship the planner to Hawaii (apparently they won't ship anything heavier than a sweater to the isles) so Leecie is picking one up for me in one of their stores and mailing it to me. Yay for Leecie!

*arkle-spay*

... Decent pic still to come.

getting funny with money

Skipped this weekend's bridal expo. It would have been fun, but with something like $12 in my checking account, now is not the time to get razzle-dazzled by taffeta or seascapes. Now is the time to get serious about everything money-related.

(Getting serious made me sad, so I visited color swatches at Alfred Angelo and discovered some cutie stuff in their "Dream in Color" line.)



Just kidding about being sad, but not kidding about budgeting. For "fun" I did some loose budgeting, starting with my take-home and deducting mortgage, association and maintenance fees, electric, and general expenses. If I subtracted and divided correctly, it would take me 138 months to save up enough to pay for what in this state is considered a "modest" wedding.

Some points to consider (and this is all hypothetical of course, because 138 months is stupid):

- The above figuring assumes that between now and the end of 138 months I eat even less than I do now, drive about half as much as I currently do, and make no extraneous purchases. Sweater on sale? IGNORE. Pack of gum? FORGET IT. Jamba Juice? NYET. Yoga pants from Sam's Club that they never have in your size except today? WALK AWAY.

- I budgeted so the cat and dog can still eat like furry little vacuum cleaners, but they'd better not get sick because that's going to throw everything off.

- The above figuring does not factor in the following: wedding dress, attendants' attire, floral arrangements, or honeymoon.

- The above figuring does factor in the following: reception music by BROTHER WITH iPOD AND SPEAKERS, hair by ME AND MY FLATIRON, and rehearsal dinner by YOUR HIBACHI AND MINE.

Okay, that was fun (no really, it was ... and seriously, the iPOD and speakers, I think, is a fabulous idea. If all we had to rent were ass-kicking speakers? Hey. Oh, and by the way, the last time my flatiron and I did serious work together, I met and snagged my future fiance. Hee hee.)

Now let's re-calculate with S and I sharing the cost. That's either 69 months of ultra-frugal behavior on both our parts or 138 months of not-so-tight behavior. Now let's recalculate with my parents contributing 25 percent. It would still take me 52 months (or a little over four years) to come up with the $9375 left. (All of this, take note, assumes the scenario in which my parents magically and instantaneously pay 25 percent, S and I contribute equally and at the same rate toward the other 75 percent.)

I have several things to say about this.

One, yikes. Two, thank God for credit cards. Three, one of the main reasons the amount I can put away monthly (according to my trying-to-be-realistic calculations) is a paltry $180, is because I have a whopping mortgage payment that pretty much sucks me dry each month. So, while if we had no credit and had to come up with all the cash we needed before planning we would not get married for several years, at least we would have a place to live in the interim. Four, yay for ramen and Hot Pockets. Five, I just put my beloved chaise on Craigslist and that's only so I can pay off what I already have sitting on my credit cards. Six, 2009 has a nice ring to it, I guess. Seven, when I was in college I had several paraprofessional educator jobs, the income from which could have paid for two-thirds of the "modest" wedding. Not to make myself sick or anything.

Okie, enough thinking for one night.

the fun part

Went over to Leecie's brother's last night ... All three brothers, plus their awesome mom, plus Rolando (old friend) and his daughter were there. Of course, so was fiance Daniel, and Kuma the big slobbery pony-dog. Daniel was playing that card game with Hi'iaka, the one where you lick the card, stick it to your forehead, and make bets with each other. You'd have to LOVE kids to endure this game with one who doesn't understand the rules for as long as he did.

So she showed me the organizer, some dress ideas, and her so-far plans with the hotel - all the while expressing (repeatedly) her pity for me because my wedding is going to be much, much larger than hers. There was a time that the sympathy would have gone in the opposite direction, but as they say, reality bites. So do reception site costs.

Decisions We have made so far:

To get married.

Decisions We still need to make:

Where? When? How? Before whom? By whom?
Food? Drinks? Decor?
How much to spend? What not to bother with?

Decisions I still need to make:

Change my name to ...? (because it used to be just "Change my name?")
Traditional dress or What I Really Want?

---

Yeah. So far, I've perused David's Bridal and have purchased the planner. And that's it. And that's okay.

P.S. All and sundry are trying to talk me into 2009.

ahaha

A running log of reactions to our (piecemeal) engagement announcement:

"Did you tell him you need a few days to think about it?" - my mom
"Wait! What? You guys are married?" - his mom
"Cool!" - my brother
"I'm sorry." - his brother-in-law
"OooOOooo." - my sisky-in-law

giddy, yup

My GL partner is engaged, too. It's like a fever around here! Had dinner with Lisa and Bon (plus sig-ots) the other night ... This IS the fun part, and gosh darnit, I'm going to enjoy it. Soon enough we'll dig in and plan, but not just yet. P.S. Hooray for these!

<--- Hehehe.

serenity prayer

Like I need another blog.

I can't sleep. Could be the past three days' nonstop eating; could be our first purposeful wedding discussion and its subsequent stomachache. The topic, by the way, was The Date. Don't wanna go into it, really, but after some thought and a few deep, determined breaths, here's a preliminary list of what I want for our wedding:

- For S and me to remain at its center
- For our family and friends to have a positively memorable time
- For the finished product to reflect love, not obligation
- Utter simplicity

Tall order. But that's what I want. Details like a date that doesn't suck, a makeup artist who shows up on time, and an excellent menu will all fall into one of the aforementioned categories. I want my hair in a half-ponytail. I want at least one of those glass-clinking kisses to be shared by every couple in attendance. I don't want my dress to touch the ground. I don't want to wear white shoes. But above all, I don't want to be swept away by details that really don't matter.

Just before bed, we talked and S said that he didn't know that stuff had to be planned right away. What a great feeling to remind him, and myself, that it doesn't. We just got engaged. And I'm the luckiest person in the world. I can still hear myself say to a good friend, months and months back, that I knew that I could marry S then and there, with no ring, and no huge ceremony - just him and me, living in the moment and looking forward to forever.

So if we wait till 2009, or have that ideal 2008 wedding, or if we get married tomorrow, the end result will be the same: We'll be together.

Deep breaths.

:)