pressure? no?

So, we survived our first meeting with Fr. Gordy.

I'm so used to seeing him in his church robes that I completely walked past him sitting in the office shooting the breeze in an aloha shirt and baseball cap.

A short list of things accomplished: basic intros and some paperwork; the dispensation we need because S. is not Catholic; short individual interviews (he actually sent each of us out of the room as he spoke to the other - and this was the scariest part). We also nailed down the time of our ceremony (HURRAY!!!!!) so now we can print INVITATIONS!!!! I was kind of stressing out about that - but then my Peahen's wedding is in October and she hasn't sent hers out yet, so.

(I know. That's got nothing to do with me, but still, I take a strange comfort in other people's procrastination.)

I had to fill out a questionnaire that asked in a couple of places if I was being coerced into marriage or doing it for some unsavory benefit (green card, swanky house, etc.), which of course I denied.

"So, you're in this for you, not because you're being pressured, right?"

"Yep," I said.

"Good," Fr. Gordy replied. "By the way, how old are you?"

"Just turned 30."

"Yeah, it's about time you got married."

(He totally said this, and he was totally serious. LOVE IT.)

We also touched on (merely brushed, actually) the whole sticky kids subject. Being a Catholic priest, of course he needs to say that having kids is one of the major reasons Catholics get married (at least they've come out of the dark ages and stopped saying it is the reason). I had to check off something that basically said yes, I acknowledged this. But when he orally reviewed my responses, he said mildly, "So, you're open to having kids?"

"We've talked about it," I said. (I didn't say: "If I am seriously considering having kids, shouldn't he, to be fair, seriously consider not having them?") And he let it go at that, which was great. Also, when he brought up raising our future kids Catholic and I breezily said "yes," he looked so taken aback at the ease of my answer that I wondered if I should have given him a harder time, maybe lay down some terms and conditions. It was almost as if he was used to couples putting up more of a fight.

Over dinner, S said that he would told Fr. Gordy (had the question been directed to him) that he would let the kids decide.

Um. (And we did talk about these things, so it's not like I'm venting feelings that S does not know I have.) I don't agree with that. I don't think you can force religion on an adult, but I do think it's a parent's responsibility to bring their children up in and teach them about the faith they hold. Once they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do, then they can make decisions that we should support (provided they don't want to join a cult or become Satan worshippers, as I could really not get behind that.) Most Catholics are confirmed at about 14 - 16 but this age range is mostly due to pressure from parents. I think our kids should be baptized into the Catholic church but should make the confirmation decision on their own, which is really what the sacrament is intended to be - an acknowledgement that your parents chose your Catholic faith when you were too young to choose anything, and the embracing of the faith as your own, now that you are an adult.

But kids are light years (or at least years) away, so I'm not going to get all worked up about this now. That's what this weekend is for! :) This weekend is ... well, I don't want to say shot, because I really am looking forward to it. Engaged Encounter. The only person who doesn't snicker when I talk about this is my matron of honor, who herself went through it four years ago. She reports that she and her (non-Catholic) now-husband just loved it. I hope we do, too.

And that's my monthly update. Now that the ball is really rolling, though, they might become more frequent ...