this sucks

Wedding: scheduled.
Party: planned.

Why the eff I'm stressing out on the details is beyond me.

Whether we have lobster or buffalo wings, taffeta or tulle, heavenly centerpieces or Wal*Mart Delite, the outcome is the same. We are not on Weddings of a Lifetime, no one's going to give us any awards for Having Inspired Favors or for Sticking To Our Theme, so why are we having grim lunchtime discussions about the diameter of our centerpieces? Is it because we're getting caught up in it like we said we wouldn't, or because we really do care a teeny tiny bit and have only to admit it so that we can get on with things?

I say let's throw the centerpieces, favors, and theme out the window, and go back to letting the rare weekday lunch together be an actual treat rather than a drudge.

the icing

Next week - cake consult, pick up engagement photo, call H.P. Ladee to confirm our mushroom-free menu. Whee.

By the way, this blog is hilarious. I hope not to contribute to it.

ah, togetherness

Dunno if we'd survive. But we did survive our second meeting with Fr. G! Actually, it was only the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) "test" so as soon as we were done with our Scantron bubbles, we were outta there.

The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.

There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.

I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.

Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.

Oh yeah, how could I forget? I also put Le Huge Portrait (w/Le Huge Price Tag) that I ordered from Uncle B on the Visa. Which is to say nothing of the other photo needs we will also be Visa-ing soon.

SIGH.

let them eat ... almond float?

Just some mutterings about cake for my consult:

$400 - $500 ('tis not so much to be eaten as to be admired, photographed excessively and then cut).

Can have heart-shaped layers? Can have heart-shaped dummy layer? (See above note: is not to eat.)

How chocolatey is milk chocolate cake?

Can do double-layer tiers?

OK that is all.

Check off another TD and write another fat check: We have purchased all of our bridal party attire. It's not that any one article of clothing cost so much ... it's that we have six per side, and there you have it. Last night we shopped for the last shirt (his sixth groomsman is a 2XL, a size the stores seem not to carry, so we had to purchase it online.) While in line to check for the shirt at Ala Moana Macy's, we stood next to another couple buying four of the exact same shirt.

"Getting married?"

Nods all around.

The shirts are on major sale, and thank goodness because the expenses, now, are really starting to pile up. A Short List of Big Things that have gone on our wedding-sanctioned credit card in the span of a month of so: flowers down payment, six groomsman shirts, the limo, and many a sanity-reclaiming caffeinated beverage for me. (Just passed the four-month soda-free mark on Nov. 5 so no, I'm not drinking soda - it's 99 percent iced teas with the occasional hot cocoa thrown in for fun and Vitamin C(hocolate).

$ad

I just booked the limo and confirmed our flowers. I think I'll go eat some candy. Because it's free.

At least we didn't actually need a freakin' bus.

Invitations WILL go out this Saturday. Come hell or high postage.

I yam off to see the florist. I am fully prepared to strike about a thousand things from the long list I made last time in order to stay within the budget we didn't really finish making over grumpy pancakes and omelettes yesterday.

Did I seriously think we were going to be immune to the whole fighting-over-wedding-stuff thing? I guess I did. Because there are so many things I really don't care about. But I guess, actually, the not caring is what is causing these issues. Not caring = not getting stuff done early = getting it done late(r) = major anxiety for S. Me, not so much. I am a worrier when I shouldn't be, and when I'm told I should worry, I don't.

Anyway, I'm not worried. Well, I occasionally worry that one day long after the wedding has come and gone, I will wake up and be sad that I didn't care more about things like cake and tulle. I've been getting more and more into the whole thing, but not enough to start obsessing.

Last week he said he wanted us to write our vows. By his own admission he is not an enthusiastic writer and so I was very surprised by this. I think it was the night of Peahen's wedding. He had said several times that he'd loved my MOH speech, and before we drifted off to sleep, he said it again, along with something like, "My vows are gonna suck compared to yours."

They're not, of course, and truthfully I just love the fact that he wants to write and share something from his heart. Now if only the church would get back to me so that we could seriously get going on this stuff.

a literal headache

Longest day of Wedding Tasks ever. Groomsmen's attire, check. New ideas for table decorations, check. Budget discussion, check. Photo order, check. Periodic snippy arguments about all of the above, check.

Also got some invitation work done.

Two consults tomorrow after a work meeting.

Wedding planning - who in their right mind would do this for a living?