ah, togetherness

Dunno if we'd survive. But we did survive our second meeting with Fr. G! Actually, it was only the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) "test" so as soon as we were done with our Scantron bubbles, we were outta there.

The FOCCUS is designed quite ingeniously to point out differences and encourage discussion between a couple in areas such as finances, child-rearing, sex (yeah, maybe reverse those last two), partner roles in marriage, spirituality, etc. There are "special" sections for interfaith couples (us), remarrying couples, and cohabiting couples (us again), meaning 20-something additional questions for us.

There were easy-peasy q's ("Do you feel that your future spouse has too few hobbies/interests separate from yours?"), moderate q's ("Are you concerned that past experiences will shape your marriage in a negative way?"), gigglers ("For cohabitating couples: Do you feel that living with your future spouse puts pressure on you to provide sex on demand?"), and two or three that require very focused discussion ("Are you in agreement regarding the husband and wife roles each of you expects of the other in the marriage relationship?") <-- I think so ... in fact for the life of me I cannot start to guess how life after marriage will be different from life as we know it now, at least until we start discussing the big C. One of my good friends, in the same situation as me (lived w/her man for several years before tying the knot) has cryptically said that it is, in some ways, significantly different, but we have yet to sit down for that conversation.

I know it's more than who's going to cook and who's going to clean. (Right now, the answer for both of those questions is mostly "Neither of us." Srsly, don't come over.) But we've got a pretty good groove going. I know there are times my clutter really irritates him, but I know he appreciates the efforts I make to control it. And vice versa regarding the habits he has that irritate me. We share what needs to be done, although we never did make a chore chart, and I did put my foot down on walking the dog at night - he is to do it - but I am not unreasonable. When he's sick or way too tired (rarely), I'll take the dog out. These are fine points that I previously would have found too stupid to even mention, but as it turns out, these fine and stupid points really can become points of contention, and we all know what happens when too many of those get swept under the rug. They don't stay there for long.

Our next session with Fr. G is to go over our answers to the 170 questions. Better pack some coffee methinks.